My Peanut Gallery

So, we went to a get together for the twins' father's birthday on saturday.

Now you know I have watched them a couple times lately, and there has been no problem.
However, there evil shenanigans have slipped beneath my radar.

I have never had any trouble about not getting attached to babies. I was immeasurably happy after peanut went through each baby stage. Meaning I have yet to long for that sweet little 2 year old I use to have. Each new stage and age delights me and I would never want him to be back where he was.

Also? Babies are kinda boring. And tedious. And when peanut was born I thought I was going to be the worst mother on earth because for the first couple of weeks when someone would comment on how cute he was, I would inevitably think "really? cause he's got a super conehead thing going on. I wonder when his head will get normal." Or they would ask if they could hold him and I'd have him in their arms, throwing a burp cloth and bottle at them before the sentence was finished. I also spent a lot of time thinking "oh THANK GOD! he's asleep again", and wondering how long I would have to wait before the tv would keep him interested.

Don't get me wrong, I loved him. More than I ever thought was possible. But I was a new mother and didn't have the experience to realize that the things I was thinking are normal. And no one told me about the 4 month mark.

By 4 months I was no longer so quick to hand him over, nor was I worried about sticking him in front of the tv. Because right around that time his personality EXPLODED, and he was no longer boring or tedious, he was interesting and god could he make me laugh.

ANYWAY! This post was not supposed to be about peanut. It was supposed to be about the fact that I am immune, IMMUNE I tell you, to little babies. Eh, how nice. a baby.

So Saturday the first thing I did after hellos, was to go see the babies.

And they looked at me. and there was recognition on their wittle faces. and they smiled at me and started to frantically wave their arms and feet around. Like "heeeeyyyy. look at how cute I am. see me smile at you? and see my cute fat little hands and feet with their dimples? And my Head! see my head? I just got a bath so I smell soooooo good. Don't you just want to SCOOP me right up?"

The evil little bastards had went and turned 4 months old on me since the last time I saw them -last week!

And so the spell was cast. It hit me as I was talking to them like this, yes a I was, you wittle cutie pies, and able to tell the difference between them with out looking for Dominick's birthmark, that damnit! they had snuck on in there and now I love them. But I figure since they were born on my Birthday, they are honorifically (is that even a word?) mine anyhow.

So that's perfect. Just perfect. I get to watch them grow up and 4 years from now listen to shit like "Your mean" and "I don't have to, you're not the boss of me", and "NO" "no, no, no" or better yet "Can we go buys some toys? puweeze? we wuv you"

I'm sure peanut will do a good job coaching them. God knows he's good at being 4.

Too bad, I'm telling you anyway.

1. I have my period.
2. I get really bad gas when I have my period.
3. Sometimes I get so bloated that if you put your hand on my stomach, you can feel the gas rolling around in there. Like a baby.
4. Sometimes, if you push on my stomach hard enough, you can make me fart.

And now, a letter.

Dear "core body" classmate,
I know you only came to that class because I recommended it. And I know you chose that spot next to me because I was the only person you "knew" in there.

I'm sorry.

it's a good class, so please, come back. I'll totally understand if you take a spot on the other side of the room.

Can we still be friends?

Sincerely,
That girl that accidently farted in the middle of crunches with your poor head less than 4 feet from her ass.

If you were to live in my town, and if your house happened to be situated on a lot surrounded by trees, it would not be uncommon to find yourself with a few extra roommates a couple times a week.

This is a wolf spider. It's very common in our area.



It's called a wolf spider because it does not build a web. It hunts it's prey down and then jumps on it. That's right. They jump. Imagine trying to take a shoe to one and having it jump off the wall before you can smash it.
Did I mention that picture is actual size? Sometimes they get bigger. (in case my site shows up different on your computer, they can grow to be 8-10 cm. that's the size your cervix gets when you push a big ol baby outta there.)

When I met J, I was living with some friends and because of where their house was located, we had these in the house often. Do you know what shower scene is even scarier than the one in psycho? It's the one where you get done taking a shower and pull the towel off the shower curtain rod and something the size of a small crab skitters across your foot. At least when you piss yourself you're already in the shower. Even though you've just vowed to never shower in that house again, as a matter of fact you might just have to find somewhere else to live, somewhere where you don't have dreams at night about a group of spiders big enough to carry you off and kill you.

Fast forward 6 months to J and I moving in together. Our house is in a planned development which means the trees have all been bull dozed save for the requisite oak or palm tree in the front yard. No trees=no monster sized spiders.

Fast forward again to 1 year later.

J and I are in his camaro doing 90 on the interstate. We're about 2 hours into a 15 hour trip to my dad's house in Virginia. It's pouring rain and I am wrapped up in a blanket staring out the window daydreaming. Picture it.

J starts yelling "WHAT THE FUCK?" as he hears Hope start screaming (loud enough that she will lose her voice later) and then she tries to climb over the seat to get to the back. except there's only about 6 inches of space between the headrest and ceiling so then she wedges herself (read- gets stuck) on top of his and her head rests. Somehow managing to get all of her body up there, as far away from the floor as possible.

All this happens in less than 60 seconds as J whips across 3 lanes of traffic to pull over.

Once he got me to stop screaming and tell him about the largest mother of all spiders, that was in the car! right there! no over there! I think I might puke!, Do you know what he did?
He pulled everything in the car out, everything- from our luggage to blankets and pillows, got his flashlight and checked under the seats, in the glove compartment, and in the compartment between the seats. In the pouring down rain while I stood there with an umbrella and chain smoked.

And do you know what he found?

Nothing.

I don't know if it was an acid flashback or, more likely, I had fallen asleep while daydreaming, But I realized right there that he must really love me because he didn't even get mad. He just packed all of our rain soaked stuff back in the car and assured me for the hundredth time that no, there really was no monster spider just waiting for me to get back in.

I'm currently watching a quarter sized spider walk along the edge of the wall by the ceiling. As soon as it drops about a foot, it's ass is mine.

We've talked about my other 2 fears- that thing under my bed,and falling, but I think spiders, by far, top my list of most hated feared things. I'm not sure exactly when this fear started, I just remember always being scared of them. I will kill a spider every time I see one, or if they're big enough- make J do it.

Summertime: 12 years old.

I'm at my friend Tabitha's house.
It's just getting dark and it's been raining. All of the windows in the house are open to catch the cool breeze. We sit on her bed, I'm next to the window trying to stay cool, and we argue about whether or not to watch "Arachnophobia". She wins the debate and her brother Mike comes in to watch with us. About halfway through the movie he leaves but I don't notice because I am horribly fascinated.
The eerie music builds and I tense in anticipation of a scary scene.
I feel a slight tickle on my shoulder and brush at it with my hand.
Still engrossed in the movie, I feel it again only this time when I brush at it a Huge black spider falls in my lap.

You would think I was dying from the screams coming out of my throat.

Mike laughs so hard he falls through the window (whose screen he had put up before leaving the room and then going to his and climbing out his window, with his big nasty fake spider, onto the porch roof and crossing to tabitha's)

He has scared me so bad I start crying (I might have also pissed my pants a little and chased him around the house with a bat).

They laughed at me for days over that one.

Whoo hoo! My boy is finally swimming! Last night he decided to get in the pool without his arm floats, and just started swimming! I was so proud of him and lord was he proud of himself. I don't know how many time I heard "mama, watch me!". It was very exciting.

I had to take some pictures with my camera phone because I'm not one of those mothers that carries a camera and/or video camera everywhere I go ( I know. *gasp* BAD MOMMY). But because I'm a simpleton I don't know how to get them from my phone to the computer. I'm sure it involves some kind of cord that needs to be hooked between phone and computer, but really? Anything with a cord is J's job.

So, there's no pictures for the blog, but since I know you're all so very excited about this very exciting thing, you can email me your cell # and I will send it to you that way. Since it's all so very exciting, I'm sure the emails will be pouring in. Because it's exciting. Be excited.

Uhhhh however, Be forwarned that I caught him kind of in between arm strokes, so the picture mostly looks like he's floating. Or dead. But he's not, he just looks that way. kinda. Just wanted to warn you. That way if someone happens to be looking through your phone they don't start yelling "Jesus Christ, You sick fuck! Why do you have a picture of some random dead kid on here". Although you could really play that up into a whole other story.

Anyway, since I now you're all so very excited about this very exciting achievment, I'll be looking forward to sending you the random dead kid swimming pic.


ps. this only applies to people I "know" from here. Anonymous people or people who have never commentd here, people I've never "talked" to need not apply. Not that it matters since he's face down and you can't see his face, but still.

Just stopping by to say hi.

So, Hi.

Nothing going on, so nothing to write about.

Except the paxil gives me weird dreams.
The other night I dreamt that I was meeting an old friend heather at a club, I got there early and while I was waiting for her I noticed my reflection in a window. My hair was blue. Electric blue. weird. And then Heather showed up in her gym clothes, with some people from my gym, and they proceeded to do a conga line of lunges down the sidewalk.

Weird, but it was kinda funny.

I think I'm gonna start writing this thing at night. I always have all these ideas before I go to bed and then can't remember them in the morning.

Anyway, how was everyone's weekend?

Mine was pretty good. We played poker on Friday night. I lost all my money. boo. I just couldn't catch a good hand. oh well, there's always next week.

J had to work at his volunteer FD Saturday and Sunday night so I decided to keep myself busy with the kids. We had J's neice and nephew over for a sleep over saturday night. We went to the beach and then picked up pizza on our way home and watched "Cars". They were really good, except they didn't go to sleep until 12:30. I finally had to seperate the little houligans so they would stop talking and settle down.

On Sunday we went to the park and then I took peanut down to my in-law's so he could go swimming. I'm glad he likes to spend so much time in the pool because it wears him out ;)

That's about it. What did you guys do this weekend?

My last post was a joke about universal signs. I really don't pay any attention to that kind of stuff, and good thing since today is Friday the 13th. Pfft. Friday the 13th. Who care? It's just another day.

Except for that one friday the 13th, when I was 5, and our house burned down. To the ground. And my mom almost died because, as a smoker, she didn't smell the smoke and if I hadn't woken her up.. well the story would have turned out different.

Then there was the Thursday the 12th of november 2003 when my mom got in an extremely serious car accident. We didn't find out until the 13th if she was gonna make it. And then when she got out of the hspital she had to come LIVE WITH US for 6 months.

Also, Friday the 13th August 2004 (just 3 short months after she had moved out of our house and back to her own) Hurricane Charley came through and fucked up her house. And then she had to come live with us for ANOTHER 3 months.

So yeah, I really don't believe in signs too much but I'm gonna go call my mom now and tell her not to leave the house today. Matter of fact she should probably not even get out of bed, lest for one reason or another she would have to come live with us AGAIN.

Hola people person who reads my blog. I haven't really had anything to tell you about, it's been kinda quiet lately. But then yesterday something a little odd happened.

On my way to pick up peanut from school I was going through my set radio stations and every single one of them was playing songs I don't like. First of all that's weird because I have 12 pre set buttons. And they're mostly all different kinds of music, usually the odds are pretty good that I don't ever have to listen to a song I don't like.

Even odder was the fact that 3 of the stations were playing the same song. I know it's common for new music to be played a lot, but it was an old Bon Jovi song- "I'll be there for you". Now, I'm not a big fan of his so I immediatly switched it the first time, then again from the second station, but by the third staion I started wondering if maybe it was some kind of sign from the universe that I was supposed to listen to this damn song. I mean 3 different stations, after I hadn't heard the song in years?

Last week GG had a post about signs from the universe. I don't really pay much attention to that kind of stuff because I never know how to read those "signs". Take for example that song. It's about a guy who's sorry he wasn't there for someone when she was sad, happy, on her birthday, etc. but with these 5 words he swears he will be there now. Do I take that to mean that someone who is not usually supportive will "be there for me" in the near future? Does it mean I need to be there for someone soon? Is some tragic event going to happen that would require me or anyone I know to be there?

Or was it something simpler? Did i forget someone's birthday? A party? Some event? Would I have to "get down on my knees and swear I'll. be. there. for. you."?

My friend G, who always call me with her problems, called the other night, I told J to tell her I was sleeping. Maybe that was it.

Or maybe it's even more basic. Maybe it was telling me to turn off my damn radio and turn on the mp3 player instead.

Yeah. I'm guessing that was it. The universe was telling me to turn it off. So that I wouldn't fall asleep with it stuck in my head. And wake up with it still in there. And currenty still have that effin song running through my mind.

Fucken Bon Jovi.

.
sorry I was MIA yesterday but I wasn't feeling good so I spent most of the day at home in bed.

Anyway, let's talk about Saturday.

But first, some pictures.


"Wait! I wasn't ready for my close up" (David)


"I was going to call it "Blue Steel", but we went with "the Turtle" instead" (Dominic)


"Put me down! Down! I can't sit still. I need to RUN!!!!"(Wes)

When they got dropped off around 10:30 the twins were sleeping. Around 11:30 Wes went down for a nap. I don't know what it was, maybe I should bottle the air in my house, but I had to wake up the twins at 2:00. I felt bad about letting them sleep all day because I didn't want them to go home and stay up all night. So I fed them and they proceeded to go right back to sleep. Lazy little things. awwwww. Look at them so cute and quiet.

That's when xander decided to ask if I could have another baby so he could be a big brother. Hahhahahahahahah. ha. ha.
No.

Then he proceeded to put my mind at ease that further children would not be a good idea.

I woke the twins up again and gave them a bath. While I was dressing Dominic, peanut asked me for a drink. Now just so you know, he damn well knows how to get ice and water from the refridgerator door.

"You'll have to wait a second, I'm taking care of the baby right now."
"Well.....Aren't you My mama?
"yeah"(distracted voice)
"Well then, Aren't you apposed to be taking care of Me?

The boy's already good at the guilt trips. also, very jealous.

I got his little butt a drink, and Dominic started crying.

Crying?! no. nononononono. no. There's no crying in this house anymore, you're just going to have to catch up. Oh god, why are you crying? I fed you, I changed you, I bathed you. That's all you do for babies.

Oh. I guess I should have burped you after that bottle. Clearly my level of competence has sunk to "barely keeping them alive" status.

Seriously? feed, burp, change, and bathe. That's the basic major components of taking care of a baby. Seeing as how I can only remember 3 out of 4 things at a time, it's rather obvious that peanut's 'only child' status is a good idea.

I wonder how many times I forgot to do 1 of the 4 things with him. heh.

Heeeyyyy.
Hi.
Hello.
Hola.
Como esta?
How the hell are ya?

Me? I'm good. I seem to have lost my damn mind. But I'm good.

You know what I did last night? I agreed to babysit 3 month old twins, and a 1 year old. Together. At the same time. Also, Peanut will be there. All of them. Together. At the same time. Did i mention J will be working. Me, by myself. With all of them. At the same time.

uh.huh.


ps. I just got done making the appointment for J's vasectomy.

How was every one's 4th? Mine was boring and then it got a little more exciting.

I took peanut to see Tranformers. It was exactly like I expected, pat and extremely predictable, but there were a couple of juveniley funny moments, which is right up my ally, a lot of fighting and explosions and peanut seemed to like it. I give it a rating of "meh". I've seen worse but 2 &1/2 hrs was a bit long to sit through this movie.

Then we went to the In-Law's house for swimming and fried chicken. I didn't feel like swimming so I just kind of sat around and socialized, the boys had fun though.

A couple of our neighbors bought fireworks, and the one that lives 3 houses down from us spent about $1000, so we stayed in the neighborhood and had an informal block party.

Around 9:15 it started pouring. G and I were in the driveway so we threw all the fireworks in a box and put them in her trunk- that was the quickest easiest way to get them out of the rain. After about 10 minutes the rain stopped and we came back outside to continue.
Me: "we should leave the box in your trunk that way if it starts raining again we can just shut it and run inside."
G: "Good idea."

Some people will never learn. I don't have good ideas. I have ideas that work out bad for you and hilarious for me.

You know where this is going right?

After about 15 minutes peanut says he is ready to go home so I take him and then sit on my front porch. Very soon after that G goes to throw her "safety stick lighter" (heh) into a water bucket, but she totally misses and the lit stick ends up.......

wait for it...

in her trunk. in the box. holding the fireworks. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH. Damn I wish I had taken a picture. It was like a scene straight out of a dumb and dumber movie. Don't worry though her car wasn't damaged, she just had a lot of debris to clean up.

Then, because all her shit was gone(heh) she came over to my house and we did the crappy little stuff we had (party poppers, snakes, fountains and bottle rockets-stuff that peanut likes- he is scared of the big ones). My neighbors 3 houses down were putting on a spectacular show with huge fire works lighting up the sky. Now maybe it was Karma for laughing at G- I got hit in the head with a piece of HOT shrapnel. 3 houses away is not far enough. I'll need to remember that for next year.

The offending piece:


Did I mention that j was shooting off bottle rockets? And that he thinks it's funny to do them with out the bottle?
Use the bottle people. Or you might end up getting a nipple burned off when one of the bottle rockets (not in a bottle) skids across the ground and blows up next to you, shooting hot chunks up to scorch your shirt dangerously close to the afore mentioned part of your chest.


(I do have a picture of that for you, I will add it when I get home) updated.

Can you believe we weren't even drinking?

Okay so this is the template until I get bored again.

Anyway, everybody, have a great 4th of July.
See ya on Thursday.

Hey everybody!

I know I promised a 2nd meme, and I know you were all holding your breath for it, but I just don't feel like doing it yet.

Instead, inspired by Joy, I am looking for a new template. Mostly because it's summer time and I want something light and airy instead of this dark somewhat depressing thing I got going on now.

So be on the lookout, hopefully I'll find something soon.