My Peanut Gallery

I got goosed today by blue girl and because I am such a huge dork, I'm not even going to try and act all "oh great now I have to do this stupid meme thingy" I'm just going to own my geekdom and tell you that you get 2 for the price of one today because I also told Just Me that I was going to do the one on her page, because I *cough* like *cough* to do these things, I also like to write incoherent run on sentences. Obviously. Does that last part of the sentence count as fact 1? Hmm, probably not since i haven't even told you the rules yet:

Tell us 8 new random facts about yourself.

For the first 5 minutes I was all oh, this is so easy. Then i remembered how I get on here and blabber away about any damn thing and that my life is pretty boring and CRAP I've told you people EVERY DAMN THING about me already but then I realized that's not true, I just have to dig deep people (and continue with my run on sentences).

*digging* Okay. These will probably tell you a few embarrassing things about me. Don't judge. Ok, I know you will bitches, just don't send me sobbing in a corner.

1. I got my son's middle name from a .......Lifetime movie. A stupid movie with Tiffany Amber Theison and Brian Austin Green. But i told my husband I got it from his name, how shameful. Okay! stop brow beating me . His middle name is Jace but hubby's name is Jason so I just ran with it.

2. I got his first name from a TV show, but I'm not telling you which one because the show is so embarrassing that I lie to people when they ask me how I picked his name.

3. I like the clickety-clack sound of typing.

4. I was salutatorian at my 6th grade graduation. Now I'm not even sure I spelled salutatorian correctly. Probably not. Oh how far we have fallen, young grass hopper.

5. I lost my virginity to a boy named Tony 2 weeks before my 15th birthday. It was awful and I didn't do it again for over 2 years.

6. In high school my very favorite part of class was dissecting things. After my mandatory Biology class, I took Marine biology and then Anatomy for the sole reason that dissections were a big part of class.

7. I have kankles. Actually they are even worse than that. They're like barbie doll legs- foot attached directly to the bottom of the leg, eh, forget ankles. Who needs em anyway.

and last but not least but still embarrassing-

8. I have no idea what meme stands for. Could some one please tell me?

I have another meme to do but my boss keeps coming in my office so I'll post that one later.

ps. Blue girl- expect a tag shortly there after. mwah ha ha.

I went to see my Dr. on Tuesday to talk about the paxil. We decide to change my dosage to try and tweak it to the perfect amount, and Have the T, you will be happy to know I talked to him about Chantix. He will give me a prescription for it in about 4 weeks, after my system has had time to adjust to the new paxil dosage. So that's exciting, in a little over a month I can join the ranks of reformed smokers.

I think the paxil will also, in the end, help me on my journey to quit smoking. In the past I have had some issues with social anxiety to downright crippling shyness, and for me smoking is a way to keep my hands busy and distract me in social settings. It helps calm my nervousness, like my safety blanket a cigarette is something for me to focus on instead of whoever is talking to me. But I've noticed with the paxil social gatherings have been getting a little easier for me.

So, yay Paxil and Chantix .
Boo, Tom Cruise.

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On Monday J came with me to my "core body" class at the gym where he got his butt kicked. On the way out I asked him if he was planning on joining me Tuesday for my "Cardio pump" class? He was kind of iffy about it so I called him a pussy until he agreed to go but I managed to convince him.

At one point during class he commented on how uncoordinated he is.

Uncoordinated?

More like Rythmically Retarded.

Poor thing.

.
.
It's bad enough that kids from the age of 11-14* obsessively spray themselves with disgusting smelling axe body spray in the hope that girls will fall all over them.

But what's worse is hearing my 4 year old son singing.......
"BOM CHICKA WAH WAH"**
At the top of his voice.

Bastards.

*If you're over 14 and using this stuff you will never get a date. Ever.

**It was hilarious the first time. then, not so much. Okay, I'm lying, it's still hilarious.

From carrie.

Guidelines:

Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following categories. They should be real places, names, things.nothing made up! If you can’t think of anything, google it.
Copy and Paste to answer in your blog - let me know if you do this one!

Your Name: Hope
Famous singer: Hootie (?)
Street name: Heyman (actual street name in my town)
Color: Hue
Gifts/presents: Herpes (ha!)
Vehicle: Hummer
Things in a Souvenir Shop: hats
Boy Name: Hayden
Girl Name: Harmony (she's destined to be a stripper)
Movie Title: Hope Floats
Drink: Hennesy
Occupation: Hooker
Flower: honeysuckle
Celebrity: Halle Berry
Magazine: House & Garden (pfft)
U.S. City: Houston
Pro Sports Teams: Hoosiers (okay not pro but the only one I could think of)
Something found in a Kitchen: Herbs
Reason for being late for work: Hurling
Something you throw away: Happiness (not really)
Things you shout: hootchie!
Cartoon Character: Huckleberry Hound

Hey peeps, what's up? Sorry I haven't been posting much this week, I've just been feeling really blah(pms).

So let's see, what news do I have for you. hmm not much, it's been a pretty boring week. But there have been a couple things.

Remember gym girl? I pointed her out to J on Tuesday and he told me.....

wait for it.....

Here it comes...

she works there! He says she is one of the trainers. I would think an employee would know better than to use the community hair dryer in that fashion.
Nasty.

Unrelated- 2 more people at work have been laid off. That's a total of 8 people in the 16 months I've been here. Hope business picks up soon. There's only 8 of us left and who knows where I fall on the lay off list.

Sort of related- J says hopefully when he gets hired at the Fire Dept. I won't have to work because he will be working a part time job on his days off- they work 24 on and 48 off so they end up with alot of days off- then I could go back to school full time instead of part time at nights.

Well, that's about it. Maybe I'll have something interesting for ou tomorrow. Uhhhm, but by the way this week is going? don't count on it ;)

The child killer is out on bail.

Maybe she'll get run over by a bus and save everyone the trouble of a trial. Then again that would rob us of hearing a guilty verdict.

...should I choose to accept it. (which, I most definitely do)

The Bee is back.

Let the assassination attemps begin.

I stand facing the buiding and my heart sinks the tiniest bit. So far it is not living up to expectations. There is an ugly large sculpture of nothing out front and the building looks modern. I wonder if it was built recently.

I pass through the metal detectors and look around me. No marble floors only ugly carpet and no grand staircase, unless you count the escalator. I don't feel the weight of history pressing down filling my imagination with days gone by, instead it feels like an office building. A boring one at that.

I let my daydreams slip away and admit to myself that most likely eveyone was not exagerating the suckiness of jury duty.

I ride the escalator to the second floor for check in and begin the waiting process. I read my book until 11:00 when my name is finally called and I file into a courtroom with a group of 17 others. The lawyers from both sides ask us numerous questions and then we are led out to wait some more while they decide who will be excused and who will stay. I read my book for another hour until they call us back in. Of course I am picked for the jury and enviously watch the excused leave for the day. At 12:30 the Judge sends us on our lunch break and tells us to be back by 1:45. I eat and read. I am getting bored with reading.

They keep us waiting until 2:50 and then call us in to start the trial. I have to say by this time I am extremely bored and my mind has started to wonder, my imagination has taken over to keep me occupied.

We listen to opening statements and I pay attention, I swear, but a part of my brain is in bored mode and my mind wanders to stuff not really related to the case.

First up, the Prosecutor.
"Officer can you tell me what you observed?"
that you look like Clark Kent. But the cartoon one not the movie or tv show one.
"Can you describe what you saw then?"
that you really do look like Clark Kent. glasses and all. it's kinda funny. but I'm not sure if you're really tall enough to play superman.
"blah blah blah......craCK piPE.... blah blah...craCK piPE.....blah... craCK piPE....."
hahahahah that's 17 times he's said crack pipe so far. it's like a modern day superman cartoon where he gets all the kids together to tell them crack is whack. so funny how he says craCK piPE like that. don't laugh.
dude, we get it. he had a crack pipe in his pocket.
"I'd like to call ..... from the crime lab to the stand."
"How long have you worked in the crime lab? About how many tests have you preformed for narcotic substances?"
"I've been there 17 years and performed approximately 480,000 tests." <---(actuall # that she said)
"And what substance did you find in the pipe?"
"Cocaine residue"
sigh. it's a crack pipe what the hell else was she gonna find in it? okay superman we get it. there was a crack pipe. with crack residue. in his pocket.

Time for the Defense Attorney.
"Oficer did you find anything besides the pipe on him? Any drugs, containers, money?"
hmmm. I wonder if she was running late today. Her hair needs some help.
"Did you find a lighter?"
really? those pants? with that shirt and jacket?

Anyway, the case was pretty much a done deal. The cop pulled up and our guy was on a park bench with some girl, when he saw the cop he stuck the crack pipe in his pants pocket. It was still warm when the cop searched him. He was guilty of possesion of drug paraphanalia. It was in his pocket! He claims it was the girl's. who knows maybe it was but then he shouldn't have put it in his pocket.

To sum up- I sat around until 2:50, the trail from opening statements to our deliberations lasted until 5:15, and then Finally I was able to go home.

Everyone was right, I should have believed them, jury duty sucked. And I missed my 6:00 core body class at the gym. But even worse, the temp moved all my stuff.

Last week I was bemoaning the fact that I had jury duty on Monday. Even though I had never done it, every one complains about how jury duty sucks. Now, I am a cynical and sarcastic type of person yet on the complete opposite of the spectrum I am also incredibly naive sometimes.

By Sunday I was no longer complaining. I was, can you believe?, getting a little excited. I mean it couldn't be that bad right? People exagerate a lot, and hey I was getting a day off from sitting around here doing nothing. I thought about it all day and got more excited. As Sunday night turned into Monday morning, I was unable to sleep. By 1:30am, instead of sleeping like I needed to be, I was laying in bed wide awake daydreaming about how incredibly great it was going to be.

Just imagine, the musty smell of old law books. The incredible history of the building housing the court rooms. The beautiful marble floors. The plaster on the walls cracked and marred from the police having to subdue the criminals. Would there be a great staircase that I could walk up while running my hand along the carved wooden railing? I decided yes, of course there would. It would look just like the one from that scene in "Beaches" where Hillary collapses right before she finds out she's dying.

I would see Matlock and Perry Mason-esque type people roaming the halls. And inside the courtroom? Yes, inside would be Judge Harry and the gang from "Night Court". We would hear a case about a smartmouth yet loveable hooker, and because we must follow the law we would have to find her guilty, but at sentencing Judge Harry takes one look into her face and decides that instead of jail time he will sentence her to some different programs to turn her life around. Then at the end of the episode she will come back with a fresh wholesome look and none of us will recognise her without the purple hair and blue eyeshadow.

I realized I was getting carried away and made myself go to sleep.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEP

My alarm goes off at 5:15am and I hate myself for not going to bed way earlier. I get ready, get Peanut ready, drop him off, and start my 45 minute drive to the court house.

I arrive at the parking garage at 7:45, park, and walk the 2 block to my destination. Every step reminds me why I never wear those particular high heel shoes.

Finally, I stand facing the building.


To be continued..........

Hahahhahahahaahah
hahahahahahha
*gasp*
ok
need to stop laughing....
have to type....
hahahha. ha. hah.heh.

J called me a little while ago. Seems he has been running errands for various family members today and someone brought up the "speedy delivery service" from the Mr. Roger's show. Only they couldn't remember the name of the delivery guy so he called to ask me if, in my hectic work filled day, I could find time to do some web searching and find out the guy's name.
So I did.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHA.HA.HA.

It's so perfect. So appropriate. So........ AWESOME!

Mr. McFeely.

Hahahahahahaahahahahhahaha
Right now you're wondering why, exactly, that's so funny.

Lets just say J has a HUGE sex drive and very busy hands. He's hornier than a 14 year old boy living in a Sports Illustrated nudist colony. Really.

And what with all the McDreamy and McSteamy names going around right now it's just perfect timing. Fate. Kismet. Karma.

When I called him and told him the name I told him that is his new nickname. From now on. Forever.

He said "Ha. I will divorce you"

To that I say "WHATEVER. Mr. Horny McFeely pants."

Crap. I have jury duty on Monday. I forgot all about it and my boss is out of town today so now I'm gonna have to call him and let him know.

I'm feeling ambivalent about going. It can't be any more boring than sitting here all day, who knows it might even end up being interesting. But! I'll have to get up earlier than usual and leave my house by 7:00 for a 45 minute drive. And I have to wear appropriate clothing which means no flip flops(my new favorite thing) nice shoes and business wear and did I mention it's too hot for that shit. I've been wearing tank tops and my trusty flip flops to work for weeks now.

And I guess you only get paid like $15 a day for jury duty. It's not like it's gonna kill us for me to have a day missing off my check but shit, if I'm gonna miss a day of work I don't want to spend it sitting in the courthouse.

Oh well, who knows. Like I said it might be interesting. I've never done it before so I guess I'll be finding out on Monday.

I am approximately 28 hours into the work week.
Time I have actually spent doing work-

• 3 hours invoicing
• 2 hours calling people to remind them that we'd like our money please
• 45 minutes setting up new jobs
• around 1 hour answering phones and faxing stuff.

For a total of 6hrs 45 minutes.

Wholly un-work related things I have been getting paid for to fill in the other 21 hrs and 15minutes so far this week-

• Web surfing
• Blog reading
• Blog writing
• Talking to J on the phone
• Texting
• Reading- I'm almost finished with book #2
• online games
• emailing
• eating
• smoking

Things I wish he would pay me for to fill in my days-

• leaving so I can go home and clean my house watch tv
• shopping
• napping at my desk

Of the three I figured napping at my desk while he's at lunch would be the easiest to get away with so I thought about bringing a pillow to work, but I didn't want to tip him off.

He won't be in tomorrow at all and has informed me I am in charge.* Heh.

Things I will be doing tomorrow as boss-

• Giving myself a raise for sheer brilliance at relieving my boredom at this place.
• bringing a pillow
• not much els

*In charge of what? The seat pissing coworkers who have nothing to do either?

2 totally unrelated things.

#1. On Sunday we went to the Fire Department that J volunteers at for a BBQ they were having to help raise money for new equipment. The news showed up and J, Peanut and our niece O are in the very beginning of the clip. for about 2 seconds.

And because I'm too stooopid to figure out how to embed the video in my blog, here is the link to get to it.

#2. A conversation I had with peanut last night.

"Mama, you know what?"
"what"
"You're a drugger."
"... What?!"
"Uh huh. You smoke nasty cigarettes so you're a drugger."
"I..."
"Smoking is bad."
"Yes, I...."
"Don't do it anymore, Ok mama?"
"..."
"You can go on the porch to read but no smoking, ok? and no smoking anywhere else either!"
"Ok baby, I'll try."

The thing is I have every intention of quiting. I have a plan! But that plan includes taking the rest of this year to lose weight and then next year quit smoking. I can't do both at once. I physically can not quit smoking and lose weight at the same time.

*sigh*

Looks like I'm going to have to smoke in hiding until I'm ready to quit. I don't want to lie to him but I don't want him to be disappointed in me either.

Oh where to start. I guess at the beginning.

JC's friends "Dell" is down from Cananda so we went out on Friday night. Dell always wants to go to this bar that I hate, but since she's on vacation we let her pick. I expected to have a totally boring time.

I should have remembered who I was going out with. I think you could have a good time with the group I was with in an empty room, add Dell to the picture and it's gauranteed.

I'll recap here because some things are...... um, hazy.

There was drinking. More drinking. Loudness. Making fun of people, like the woman in the tight ass jeans with a belly shirt that perfectly showed off her belly that was HANGING OVER THE TOP OF HER PANTS like a fat man. Laughing at all of the old guys (60's) trying to pick up way younger women(20's, 30's). More drinking. G messing around on a pole like a stripper. Dell messing with 3 or 4 old guys that tried to pick her up. Dell randomly biting men's nipples (poor J- his is still sore). Various text messages from me to JC making fun of the fact that G wants in her pants. Shoving our faces in each other's boobs for some reason. JC stuffing money down J's pants to convince him to "take it off"(The "it" was never clearly specified) JC throwing money down my shirt and me giving her back a quarter as "your change, biatch. cause I'm keepin the 5". More drinking.
Me spending 30 minutes trying to take a picture on my phone of this guy who looked and was dressed like Deuce Bigalo. Dell getting sick of watching me and finally just asking him if I could take his picture. Which in turn started me on a picture taking binge and I now have pictures(47 to be exact) of some random girl dancing on stage with no shirt, a hooker(possibly), all of us with our faces in each others chest, a bunch where I have no idea what the hell I was trying to take a picture of, and randome pictures of things like shoes, empty cups, and my cigarette pack & lighter. I'm sure there was something very meaningful about them at the time.

Around 1:45 JC & C disappeared (more texting- to ask if they were off having sex) and we decided it was time to leave. G and I try to help Dell walk. Dell falls down the steps and rips my shirt open. I flash the entire bar.

We find C & JC in JC's car. JC is laying in the back seat with her head hanging out of the door, puking. We laugh at her, and pile everyone into J's truck with JC laying on their laps for the ride home.

side note: uh, there was originally 2 designated drivers so that we could get everyone home, but...............hmmm. Anyway This is the bright side to J's being sick because he is not supposed to be drinking. woot! automatic DD. end side note.

We drop C & JC off at C's house with no problems, thankfully JC has not puked in J's truck. We get back to JC's house to drop off Dell. It's pouring rain. We get soaking wet. No one else is home. Dell has no keys.
We are loud and drunk(and somewhat surprised we do not wake all the neighbors). We pee on the side of the house since we can't get in. We decide to go around back and try that door. It's locked. We lose sight of our objective and sit down on the patio furniture to smoke. This is where J finds us after a couple of minutes. YAY! J figures out how to jimmy the slider door.

Finally we get home. I take the time to hang up my ripprd dripping wet shirt (why?) and fall into bed.

We planned this trip a couple of months ago with our friends D and JC. Since then they have started the divorce process. Needless to say J and I were wondering how much tension would be in the air. Turns out not much because on their way to orlando they got in an argument and JC decided she would spend the night on Friday and go home Saturday morning.

We went to Old Town Friday night. Took the kids on some rides and played some games. then we went back to the resort and I got JC drunk on mind erasers and tried to change her mind about leaving but she wasn't having it.

The resort we stayed at was a time share deal. For $176 we got to stay for 3 nights and they gave us 2 adult 2day tickets to Seaworld and 2 adult tickets to the Makahiki Luau Dinner Show at Seaworld so it was a pretty good deal, all we had to do was listen to their time share speal for 1 hour and then repeatedly say "no thanks".

Here's some pictures of the resort-








I wish I had taken pictures of the bathroom, it was huge, probably bigger than my son's bedroom at home.

Saturday morning we got up, listened to the time share speal, JC left, and the rest of us headed off to Seaworld.


(Xander and D's son Trevor with Shamu)



(some crazy looking fish that we originally thought was a plant)



(Shamu)


(the Elmo/Sesame street show. the boys LOVED this.)


At 5:00 we went to the luau (we had realy good seats)-







Sunday morning we got up and went back to Seaworld but um because we're dummies we forgot the camera. and the video camera. So that's all of the pictures.

We ended up leaving Sunday night instead of Monday morning so that we could get home and then get up at 6:00 am!! Monday to drive 2 hours south to Ft. Myers beach to visit with some family J had in from out of town. We got home Monday night at 10:00 pm. It was a long weekend, but we had a lot of fun.