My Peanut Gallery

I have a couple of non related things today and no segue for any of them. So I guess I'm just gonna jump from topic to topic. Let's get started.

I joined a new "core body" class at the gym last night. I figured it would be good to work on my back and stomach muscles in a supervised setting 2 times each week. Figured if I was in a class for it I would actually do the exercises instead of saying "eh, not today". So I show up at 6. By 10 past I'm already watching the clock but I figured I could get through the next 20 minutes no problem. At 6:29 I realize we have not started our cool down stretching yet. 6:35 rolls around and I finally figure out that SHIT this is an HOUR LONG class. Have you ever worked consistantly on only your back and stomach muscles for an hour? I feel like I got run over by a truck. I can't wait till the next class on monday.

Remember this? Guess who bought one of these for our trip, but it wasn't big enough, so guess who came home with an industrial sized a bigger one yesterday. HAHAHAHHAHHAA. Sorry honey. heh.

Good news! J has an appointment next Thursday at the Fire Department! He's kind of nervous because he will have to do his physical fitness, written exam, and interview all in the same day, but he's excited too. Right now he's on the volunteer dept. in a different city and it would be nice if he got on at the department here because it's paid and then he can quit his current job which he hates.

That's it for now. Join us tomorrow for our report on sea world.

Whew! I'm back. It was a long busy weekend, but more about that later. Now, as promised, the hair.

the before picture:



And after:
(ignore the tired baggy eyes and dark circles. long weekend)
She was just gonna trim my hair but then she said "I just can't do it. You need style! youd need lift! you NEED some layers!" So I told her to do whatever she wanted. Glad I did cause I'm liking it.





Look! Lift! That took a little getting used to because I usually flat iron my hair straight which takes out any volume I've tried to put in it.

Well there it is.

SQUUUEEEEEEEE!!

I'm all jumpy and excited and totally ready for it to be 12:00 so I can LEAVE!!!!

I feel like the white rabbit.
I hippity hopped my ass out of bed early this morning so I could finish packing up our stuff. And now I'm checking the clock every damn minute to see if it's time yet. Time seems to be playing a joke on me and running extra slow today.

50 minutes and counting.

No hair pictures yet because I ran out of time this morning but they're coming I promise.

I won't be around to post until next tuesday, So everyone have a good long weekend. See ya soon.

The deal with my hair:

My Boss' wife opened a salon and they are trying to build up their clientele, so my boss hooked me up with an appt. to get my hair done for free with the thinking of, if I liked it, I would tell that one person I know all of my friends about this wonderful new salon.

So I show up at the appointed time of 4:00. The wife is not there. Matter of fact, she didn't show up until 5:00. My boss was pissed because, obviously, that's not a good way to get clients.

However.

While I was waiting he told me to take a seat in one of the pedicure chairs. A massaging pedicure chair.

Sweet Mother Of the little Baby Jeebus.

It must have been the Deluxor Model XLT 2027.

6 different types of massage. Positioning control. Firmness control. Speed & width control. And not just the back! the seat too! Which, let me tell you, was unexpected and somewhat inappropriately disturbing that first second or two.

You're probably thinking- "what a rube. They have those in every salon." Pfft. Not in this little backwater. Here, they sit you in an office chair and stick your feet in a bucket thing that plugs into the wall.

I spent an hour in that chair. I'm going back for a pedicure just to sit in it again.

Anyway, she finally showed up and I got my hair done. That story, and pictures, will be up hopefully tomorrow.

So I decided before my birthday that 30 was gonna be the start of a whole new me. I was gonna fix some things and face some other things head on. So far I'm feeling pretty good about it.

I'm down 20lbs and still going strong.

I talked to my Dr. and finally got some help (paxil)

I went Horseback riding, which has been something I wanted to do for 10 years.

I have a gift certificate and I'm going to get my very first facial.

We're finally saving up money to remodel the kitchen.

I'm wearing flip- flops today.

Yep. my very first pair of flip flops. Ever. Because I hate my ugly toes. But then i figured- eh, fuck it. Because no one else is looking at my toes. And if they do, it's not like they're gonna run screaming. They don't have inch thick nails, or bunions, or callouses. They're pretty normal toes. I'm thinking I'm the only one worried about them.

Ooh, and i'm getting my hair highlighted today. For free. SQUEEE!!
I'm having a good day so I hope she doesn't fuck it up. Then again, I guess you get what you pay for :).
We'll see.

I hate this time of the year. This long stretch between new year's day and memorial day. 5 months of no long weekends, no holidays that fall during the week. And it happens during the worst/best time of the year, I mean it's spring, everyone wants to be outside. It's the perfect time for a long weekend.

So I'm feeling antsy and soooo ready for this weekend. We're going to Orlando with some friends and our kids. We'll spend Saturday and Sunday at Seaworld, drive home Sunday night, and then get up early on Monday and head to Ft. Myers beach to J's parent's time share to spend the day with his brother and family before they fly back to Missouri on Tuesday.

It's gonna be a busy packed long weekend. I can't wait.

Anyone else have plans?

.

Peanut has done a 180 and is now back to my loving, good, little boy. Thank god. Now I can move onto other, um, behaviours to obsess about.

Lets just say that he likes to .... touch himself. A lot. In public, at home, it doesn't matter really.He does it fully clothed, naked in the tub, and in bed in his underwear. Ooops, bad mommy slip right there. Yes he sleeps in his underwear, no we do not put pajamas on him. It's damn hot in Florida. If you're ever driving around at night and see a house on fire with three people standing out front by the mail box, the pre-agreed upon fire drill safe place to meet,- 2 naked adults and one almost naked kid, it's probably us.

I fear that if he doesn't grow out of it he will end up being That Guy. You know, the one you went to high school with or currently work with, that's always "adjusting" himself, so much so that you start to wonder if he has ants in the pants or, more likely, a raging case of crabs.

I'm constantly saying "Do you have to pee? Then stop touching yourself". I think I say that more than a room full of rednecks at a monster truck rally or a WWF smackdown yell "git er done".

I know it's probably totally normal but he does it so much that I get that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. So about once a week I suavely and totally nonchalantly inquire about it at bathtime:

"So. How was school?" "that's nice. What did you do?" "What did you learn about?"
"Has anyone been touching your private parts or making you touch theirs?" "No? ok. You would tell me if they did, right?" "Well, I always ask you that so I can keep you safe."
"Did you paint me any pictures?" "what stories did you read?"

Etcetera. That's how you have to do it with kids. Just sneak it into the conversation. Very suavely. And nonchalant.

So, right now he's "That guy" but I'm sure he'll out grow it, even if I have to resort to the old lie of "if you keep touching it, it's gonna fall off".
It could be worse, he could be "that guy" that uses finger guns and winks.

To replace that fake smile with a real one.

The Landlord-

If the video is not working you can go here to watch it, and then go here to watch the out takes..

Well i saw the Dr. yesterday. Short version- OCD tendencies, here's some prozac, go have blood work done, come back in 6 weeks.

Long version:
He spent over half an hour talking to me, which is about 20 minutes more than usual. He asked me so many questions, some were kinda funny and some had me thinking and recognising behaviors that I don't even notice. One of the questions he asked during our very serious conversation was if I ever hallucinate- no- hear voices? haha, only my own. Joking! He took me seriously, and asked me to explain. I have mentioned here before that I talk to myself (in my head) a lot. constantly. it's like backround noise for me. useless chatter about anything and everything. all day long. I actually annoy myself with it sometimes. Seems that a lot of people with OCD count. It helps calm them. Instead of counting, I talk to myself.

Anyway, I have to go do some blood work to see if it's a chemical imbalance. If not then we will talk about other solutions- therapy, if the prozac doesn't make me feel better. I really hope it does because I don't want to see a therapist. I know I have issues that need to be worked on but it's very hard for me to talk about them. Very. And I don't know if I am ready to hash them out.

I'll let you know how it goes as the next few weeks progress.


UPDATE: Ooops. It's paxil not prozac, which is apparently a totally different kind of you're going crazy drug.

I got to the doctor's office yesterday only for them to tell me that they had scheduled me with the wrong Dr. Part of me was upset but another part was relieved. Anyway, I have a new appointment with my doctor today at 2:45. I'll let you know how it goes.

Dr. appt today in T minus 2 &1/2 hours.
I'm starting to get nervous and it's pissing me off. I don't know why I have such a hard time talking to my doctor. I keep having to tell myself that I will talk to him, because my brain keeps telling me stuff like- move along, nothing to see here, just ignore the crazy lady behind the curtain.

Why is it so hard for me to talk about? And why do I always downplay it in my head on days when I feel like everything is fine? today for instance, everything is fine. Just dandy. It's not like I freaked out because the cleaning lady moved all the stuff on my desk. I mean, it only took me a couple of minutes to move everything back. See? Nothing wrong here.

I guess that's what scares me the most. That my brain lies to me. I know something is wrong, it might not even be a big something, but part of my brain keeps turning away from it- it's not there, it's all in your imagination. Denial? maybe. Or maybe that's what I am afraid that people are going to say about me if they find out- "who her? oh, pfft, it's all in her head, there's nothing really wrong with her."
It's weird how I know alot of people that are/have been on one medication or another for whatever reason and I have never thought twice about it, never thought any less of them, yet part of me is I am ashamed that I can't fix this on my own. Like it makes me somehow less, because I need help.

And that's what makes me the most frustrated and angry, because i am a "fixer", The responsible one, the person my whole family turns to with their problems. But I can't fix myself. And that really bothers me.

Hope everyone has a great day.
See ya tomorrow.

I have a Dr. appt. on Monday and I have decided it's time to talk to him about something that has been going on for a while. I have .... I don't know. Anxiety? OCD? I haven't mentioned it to him before because, well, it embarrasses me. Not the situation itself, but the fact that it's getting to the point where it's growing and I can no longer deal with it effectively on my own. And i know he's going to prescribe some kind of medication which I'm not sure I want to take.

Here's the deal.
On any given day, my house is cluttered. And it doesn't bother me (except for the kitchen- I can't stand it). And it will stay cluttered for days on end until one day I look around and just have to clean it. But it doesn't bother me.

However.
My office is............ lets just say that if you were there today and then came back next month, everything would be in the exact same place. Everything. Exactly the same. Down to where i put my pen on my desk. I just can not work if things are not where they are supposed to be. Can not. I start to feel overwhelmed and stressed and within minutes I will have a head ache. But I over looked this "quirk" for a long time because it was easy to deal with. I don't share an office with anyone so my stuff is always where I put it.

But then...... I started having problems at get togethers. Too many people in 1 room. Panic. Trouble breathing. too many people.... not enough chairs... moving around... no one staying in their place.....where I had put them. And then last Saturday it got worse. At a cook out at D & JC's house I had to go in the house because too many people were in the pool..... in that small space...with all those floaties and pool toys....and oh god I think I'm gonna throw up.

And then there are the stupid small things like..... I have a routine that I do in the shower. If I try to wash out of order (I have tried-just to see) i have to start over, and do it "right". And when we eat in a restaurant i am constantly clearing any mess to the edge of the table for the server to take away. Everything, form cracker wrappers to dishes, because it's like i just can't focus on eating with all that around me.

The restaurant thing happened the other day and J called me a freak. He wasn't being nasty that's just how we deal with each other's problems- as seen by how I talked to Cartman after I took him to get his ass probe on Monday. But he has been asking me to talk to my Dr. about it for a long time now. so I finally decide to break and ask for help because I just can't handle it anymore. I'm sick of getting mad at myself for having to do/have things a certain way.

The whole situation embarrasses the hell out of me, but I'll keep you posted. I think after writing it all out (and there's more- I just didn't put it all in here) I am ready to do whatever the Dr. says. Even if it includes pills.

*Tomorrow- back to your regularly scheduled program of sarcasm and fluff.*

So. Remember yesterday when I jokingly said I was gonna get you one of these daily pill holders?:

And you laughed and basically told me to fuck off since you're not like 80 yet?

Well, I'm buying one bitch and you're gonna use it. You know why? Because you now have to take like 5 medicines everyday. And I was researching colitis today and do you know what I found out? I found out that there is a 25-40% chance that you will have to get your colon removed. So I'm just gonna push that % to the limit and say that's like 50-50. Them's not good odds. And do you know what happens if your colon gets taken out?

YOU HAVE TO HAVE A COLOSTOMY BAG.

Now, while the idea of someone having sex with a tube and colostomy bag hanging out of their stomach might just make me laugh out loud (I'm an asshole like that), it's more of the idea of someone else doing that. Not me (because I'm an asshole like that).

I know how you are about not taking your meds anymore once you start feeling better (hello? nexium?) so I'd just like to take this time to tell you- TAKE THESE MEDS. EVERYDAY. FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IF YOU HAVE TO. because sex and colostomy bag are not something I should ever have to write about in the same post.


ps. I am so buying you one of those pill things.

Sorry it took me so long, shit to deal with yesterday.

Okay, short story- My friends D & JC are getting divorced....... and have turned each other gay.

Long story-

We have known for a while that they were heading for divorce, for numerous reasons, but none of us could have guessed how it would turn out.

JC has been talking about her curiosity about having sex with another woman almost since I met her. I figured she would satisfy that curiosity by inviting in another woman for a threesome. Turns out that instead, she has started a full on relationship with one now that the divorce papers have been worked out and signed. Good for her!

Then about 2 weeks ago she told me that D also has a rebound relationship going- with another man. This is not his first time, he was with a man previous to being with JC, but I don't know how much previous. Not that it matters. It's just that even knowing about his history I can not imagine him with a man.

So here's the thing. She asked me not to tell anyone, not even J, so I didn't. I also had never told him about D's previous boyfriend. For 1 reason. J is fine with people being gay...... as a concept. But it bothers him to see 2 men together as a couple (hypocritically- not 2 women. go figure.)

But here was my problem- we're all going on vacation together in 2 weeks so I kept flip flopping between "Don't tell him so he won't be all weird around D" and "Should I tell him? If I don't, and he finds out from D or someone else, and then finds out I knew and didn't tell him, will he be mad at me for not telling him?" Because it does make him uncomfortable and he has every right to his feelings. We don't agree about them, but they are his.

Friday night the problem was taken out of my hands when D's big mouth neighbor told J the scoop. I was kinds glad it was taken out of my hands and I was very impressed with J. He was fine! And things were perfectly normal between him and D all night.

The true test will come after D decides to "come out of the closet" (he has no idea we all know already and we are trying to give him his space and time to tell us on his own. at which point we will all act like we didn't know. Right honey?) We'll see how much J can handle once D starts including his boyfriend in our get togethers.

(It will be fine honey, you're doing great!)

Whew sorry, that was all jumbled up but I'm in a hurry because I left work at 11am yesterday for J's Dr. appt. and now I have some stuff to catch up on.
Anyway, it turns out J has Barret's esophagus which is where the lining of your stomach starts to grow up into your esophagus to protect it from extremely bad acid reflux(and can turn cancerous very easily), and he has ulcerative colitis, and he's anemic. In other words he's falling apart at 29. I know I said "in sickness and in health", but it sure would be nice to get some "in health" up in this piece.

More later, I'm off to google colitis and see what we're dealing with.

Short post because I'm getting ready to leave work soon to take J to the hospital for an upper and lower GI scope.(ouch) They're trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with him. Good luck, I've been trying to figure that out since I met him. Kidding!

Anyway I'll be back on later. Probably with a new post as I have... News! Gossip! Scandal!
Ok, it's not really that big of a deal, except for me. because my life is boring. So check back after 4 or 5. Or tomorrow morning. or, you know, whenever you feel like it.

4? really? posessed? maybe.

"you never let me do anything!"
"ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaahahahahaha"
"I'm siweous, YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING!!"
"I'm gonna let you go spend the rest of the day in your room in a minute."



after I smacked his bottom with my flip flop:
"Ha! It didn't hu-urt"
"want another one?"
"No. But that one didn't hurt." as he ran from the room
"YOU BETTER RUN SMART MOUTH"



"No"
"Excuse me?"
"I don't have to. I am the boss of me and I say I don't want to."
"Do you wanna be the smelly kid in class?"
"yep"
"get your ass in that tub."



"What is this?"
".......?" "it's a snack."
"I don't want this"
"you asked for that"
"well Iiiiiiii want a hot snack."
"you wanna keep all those teeth in your mouth?"
"yeah...."
"then you better eat that one Mr.bossy pants"

Dear seat pissing co-workers,

The can of spray on the back of the toilet is there for a reason.
Pick it up. Use it.

Because there are few things in life worse than knowing what your coworker's shit smells like. Execept maybe knowing exactly which co-worker did the deed.

Because I saw you exit the bathroom 5 minutes before i went in there. And Gawd! If it smelled that bad 5 minutes later, how the hell did you make it through without at least giving yourself a courtesy spray?

Up with the spray,
The girl who does not leave her used tampons out for you to stumble upon(but might start if you don't use the spray)




Dear Gym Girl,

I see you every day. And i haven't written to you before. even though I thought about it. I mean it's kind of weird that you are in the locker room drying the sweat off of yourself with the hair dryer. Not to mention it's sort of gross. I always wonder why you don't just take a shower and dry off with a towel. It would be quicker. I know this because I was done showering and drying before you were the other day. But whatever. That's your thing.

Except! Yesterday? Yesterday when I walked in, you were drying your crotch! With your foot up on the sink counter. And right there you skeeved me out.

It's a hair dryer. Take a freakin shower and then DRY YOUR HAIR with it. It's not there to dry out your swamp ass and surrounding areas. I feel safe in speakin for all of the female gym goers here- keep your crotch rot to yourself.

The shower is your friend,
The girl who rushed by you to vomit yesterday.

I have no grace. I am full on ungraceful.
Have you ever had to concentrate on walking so as not to stumble over your own feet? No?! oh. well. nevermind, me either.

Today I managed to stab myself 3 times. with a tack.

And then I stepped on one.

With my bare foot.*


*yes, i was at work in my bare feet. jealous yet?

So. I had this dream last night.........right now all of you are clicking the backspace button, because gawd, how boring are you? posting about your stupid dreams that no one cares about!

I know, I know. But I had to tell ya this one because you were in it. and it was pretty weird. think- wizard of oz meets road trip meets...... some other movies.

And I never fully remember my dreams(unless they are bad) so this post will probably be spotty and unorganized as I type what I remember as I remember it.

Here goes.

We (Carrie, Joy, Have the t-shirt, and I) are on a mission! We need to get to a Grrl Genius convention. But not just to hang out with everyone. Oh no, it's for a non specific yet "save the world as we know it" kind of thing. For evil doers were afoot!

So in our wisdom we decided the quickest/best way to get to California would be driving. From Florida.

Of course along the way there are calamities. And each time, BOSSY pops up to point and laugh at us. (that's all she does in my dream- no talking, just point and laugh- Ha Ha -nelson style)

oh and none of you had actual faces. you had bodies with your picture where your head should be.

Anyway, along the way the car broke down (bossy pops up), we lost all of our money(bossy laughs), and the bad guys find us at a hotel we stay at (not really sure what happens there- next thing i knew it was morning again, and we were all fine)

We hit a cow (!) and then have an argument in the middle of nowhere about how we should have just flown and who's idea was it anyway to drive all the way across country when we HAVE TO SAVE THE WORLD! And then HTTS tells us to shut up because she gets bit by horses.

And then I woke up so i have no idea how it was supposed to end.

Oh, and somewhere in there we had super powers.
But stupid ones like making flowers grow on command and instantaneous sand sculptures.