My Peanut Gallery

Yesterday my fax machine was still not working so I had to spend 3 hours on the phone between the phone company and the manufacturers of the fax machine.

Fax people: It's your phone line.
Phone company: It's your fax machine.

3 hours later I talk to someone in repairs at the phone company-

"Alright, I want you to fax something and put the phone to the machine so i can hear what it does."
"Okay" sends fax, it rings, rings, click. "did you hear that?"
"Yeah. Okay try it now."
"Holy shit! it went through. oops sorry."
"That's okay"
"What did you do? I've been fighting with customer service all morning. they kept saying it was my fax machine."
"Yeah, customer service never knows what they're talking about." it's kind of bad when branches of your own company say you suck
"Oh"

And just like that..... "okay, try it now" just that quick, long enough for him to say that sentence and my fax phone was working fine.

As you might imagine I was in a slightly annoyed mood after spending 3 hours on a 15 second problem. And then this happened.....

The phone rang and it was a telemarketer. I usually just say my boss is not in or if I'm bored and have time, I like to mess with them. Yesterday I didn't feel like dealing so I hung up on her.
Heh. Let the fun times roll.

*ring*
"....... survey, how can I help you?"
"Do you always hang up on people"
"....what? who is this?" see I had already forgotten about her less then 1 second after hanging up
"I just called and you hung up on me. Is it your job to hang up on people?"
"Are you fucking kidding me? Is it YOUR job to call potential customers back and instruct them on their manners?"
"well, you were rude!"
"Whatever, are your phone calls 'recorded to ensure customer satisfaction'?" oh yes, a little recording informed me of this the first time she called
"......"
"That's what I thought. Go ahead and record this then. Fuck off."

and then I hung up on her again.

Sitting at my desk I veered between pissed off- the nerve of some people, and laughter, because really, the nerve of some people.

Who knows, while I spent the morning on the phone arguing, maybe she spent the morning getting hung up on and my hang up was the last straw.

Either way you kinda got to give it to her. Who out there hasn't wanted to call someone back let them have it?

For about 2 seconds I was dreading 30 but really, being 30 is great. Not that it's any different than 29, no bolt of lightning came out of the sky, no major life realizations hit me, but most people take stock of their lives in increments of 5 or 10 years, and so 29 was not a number for me to reflect on, yet 30 definitely is.

Let me just start by saying how much more I like myself now than I did at 25 and sweet Jebus so much more than 20. I look back and cringe on how I acted and reacted to things at that age.

Do I feel "all grown up" now? No, and part of me hopes that I never get to the point where there's no more kid left in me, but I finally feel like I am in control of my life. I have gotten to the point where my response to all of my family's drama is -"Pfffft! Whatever, I have my own family to worry about". If I had known how freeing that would be, I would have worked on that much sooner.

I have more confidence now. A couple years ago you would never have seen me go out by myself because god forbid I should go to a movie or somewhere alone. Why, I might look like a loser with no friends! Pfft. Please. For the most part I don't care what people think of me anymore. I still have some social anxiety issues but even that has gotten better.

I spent most of my 20's fat. I got on the Depo shot and blew up like a balloon, quit doing drugs and blew up some more. Amazing how much more you eat when you're not strung out. And then I just lived with it for the last 8 years. I decided a couple months ago to change that. There's no reason for me to not be skinny by the time 31 rolls around. Nothing stopping me but myself and so far i am pretty much on track.

I've finally, after almost 4 years, realized that I am a good mother. And though I have moments where I can feel myself channeling my mom, I know that my son will grow up having no doubts about how much I love him and how proud I am no matter what he does with his life.

I know people that cried about turning 30 but for me it was a place to look forward to, a place to work towards, a place for a new beginning. On New Years I took stock and said to myself "you're almost 30. You're fat, you don't really like your job, and there are so many things you want. What are you waiting for, 40?"

Seems like 30 was just the kick in the ass I needed to start living my life again and not just coast through it.

Do you ever have so many things that you want to post about kind of floating around in your head?

I have a post coming about being 30 but until then here's a couple of other things. All unrelated so I will do it bullet style.

• Here are the pictures of the diaper cakes I made for the twin's baby shower:
  
  
  
  

• And here are some I've done previously (there are more but i can't find the pics right now):
  
  
  
  
  
  

• Surprisingly my butt was not sore from the horseback riding but my stomach and back muscle feel like someone took a knife to them. The stir ups were too long for the first half of the ride so I'm thinking I used alot of "core" muscles during that time to hold myself upright. Either that or I'm just retarded and don't know how to sit up straight.
• Bubba is scheduled to get custody of the twins on Thursday. And they should be able to leave the hospital by then because they both had healthy birth weights. One was 5lbs and the other was just a little under, so he should gain those couple ounces by Thursday.
• I had an office space moment today with my fax machine. You don't even know how happy I would have been to take it outside and smash it with a baseball bat. It will fax to local phone #'s but not long distance. I tried to call our long distance provider but I keep getting the message "all circuits are busy, please try again later". Of course I had something that had to be faxed for a closing, and of course none of the other businesses in my little plaza were open so i couldn't use their machine, so my boss took it somewhere and sent it.
• My fabulass pants are no longer. But I'm not complaining. they don't fit right anymore because they are too loose! Woot! Goodbye 13lbs.
• My son broke a board at tae kwon do class. with 1 punch. I see trouble looming ahead for me there.
• Here he is getting a massage...
• 
  
  

• and here he is asking if "we could please stop talking, he's trying to relax..
  
  
  

• I have a birthday party to plan for peanut, he will be 4 april 21st, my family is fighting again/still so that should be interesting.
• I might need to borrow the brass knuckles from Joy.

That's it for now. 30 post coming soon.

First, let me say thank you to everyone for the birth day wishes. I had a great day.

J took me horseback riding! I had so much fun, I love love love it and will be going back soon.

Then we went to the best co-ed baby shower ever with drinking and poker playing. *side note to carrie- I will post pictures of the diaper cakes when I get home*

Then we found out that the twins were born that morning! (that's kind of bitter sweet, she is saying they're not Bubba's so that he can't see them until the DNA test comes back but that's ok because after that he will get them forever!) Anyway, Yay for birthday babies.

Then we rented a movie, clerks 2 which was meh but that's okay because I was really tired. And then I passed out.

So yeah it was a really good day.

Gather round everyone, while granny here tells you a story of walking to school uphill both ways in 10 feet of snow with no shoes.

Just kidding.

Tomorrow is my 30th Birthday.

There's a post about that floating around somewhere in my head but it just doesn't want to come together yet. So.... maybe later.

Every year J asks me what I want to do for my Birthday. I tell him the same thing every time. Horse back riding. It hasn't happened yet, but maybe this year.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Recently, in conversation with a friend, I heard her use a term that I had never heard before. Upon hearing it I was immediatly regretful of the sheltered life I must have been living. For how? How, had I never been introduced to its appealing vulgarity.

While talking about a woman she knows, she uttered one of the most awesomely hateful words I have ever been priveledged to learn.

Ditch Pig.

Ditch Pig. It has the ability to stop you in your tracks. No? If I was argueing with someone and they called me a ditch pig, I think I would stand there for many seconds contemplating the meaning of that phrase.

Wondering why I had never heard this before, i googled it. Here is what I pulled from Urban Dictionary-

Ditch pig

Western Canadian expression to describe an ugly female that hunts for men outside of bars and strip clubs. Normally they hang around the roadside or parking lot at the end of the evening hoping to get picked up by the desperate and dateless. Hence the 'Ditch' part of the name. 'Pig' is self evident.
Most ditch pigs end up becoming coyote dates the next morning.

Now it becomes clear. She is Canadian and therefor has known this phrase forever. Clearly, in my quest of expanding my ever increasing vocabulary of hateful words, I must look to other countries to top the tried and true few already in my repertoire.

Busy day. With the work and nefarious bank dealings and then the gym and then grocery shopping. But i have an up date on the K situation.

Today's phone call:

"hello?"
"hey! it's K"
"hey. I got your message yesterday. Sorry i didn't call you back but I was sick. what's up?"
"I just needed to get out of the house. Maybe spend some time with my friends."
"sorry. I was throwing up all night monday and all day yesterday."
"I just wanted to hang out"
"...... uh yeah but I was sick"
"yeah. so what are you doing tonight?"
"....""Going to the gym and then shopping for a baby shower with my neighbor"
"Wanna hang out this week?"
"*sigh* I'm really busy, i have plans everyday after work and J is taking me somewhere overnight on friday for my birthday...."
"So you wanna do something on sunday?"
".... I don't know. probably not. I'm just really busy right now."
"oh. ok. well I'll call on sunday and see if you're busy or not. ok? Buh-Bye."
"...." dial tone in my ear

Obviously I'm going to have to take a harsh stand with this one.

Ick.

I'm all icky and vomiting today. I think Red Lobster gave me food poisoning. Fuckers. And my coworkers are slowly killing me by cooking food in the office. The smell is making me gag and my stomach feels like it is trying to turn itself inside out and crawl up my throat. And I want to take a little nap at my desk but my boss isn't going for it.

But! All bad things come to an end.

This morning I received an email from a bank manager in Kenya. Seems some doctor and his whole family died in a plane crash. sad. Anyway there's $15 million dollars just sitting in an account and if I help out this nice gentleman I get 40%. Woot! That's $6 million dollars.

I'm so glad he picked me. He must be psychic! I mean just the other day I was thinking about how it would be nice to win the lottery or have some rich relative that I didn't know about just up and kick the bucket and leave me all of their money.

More later, right now I have to go email my account information and get this process rolling.

The part of you that actually gets embarrassed when you almost fall off the elliptical machine would appreciate it if you were to never again watch scary movies while you're working out.

Thank you.

Lets say you're in a restaurant with your friends and 18 month old son. He's already gummed all of the sugar packets, thrown all of his cheerios on the floor, is not interested in his meal, and in general has decided that he is DONE sitting in this stupid chair.

You try to distract him to no avail and the server has exhausted all of her resources, what with the crayons and the paper and the balloon and the peek a boo and the cherries from the bar, when all of a sudden your child makes up his mind to eat what you have.

Sounds like a good idea, right? What could it harm? So you scoot closer to the edge of the booth and pull his highchair closer to you(and your plate) so that he can eat all of the vegetables! and rice he wants. And you don't mind sharing at all because he's eating something besides cheerios, crackers, or pudding (for once) But mostly you don't mind because sweet baby jebus he's finally being quiet and why haven't you thought of this sooner!

Ahhh, finally, you can relax and visit with your friends.

Until 3 minutes later when you get smacked in the side of the face with a hand full of rice. And your baby boy is giggling and you can't help but laugh because dear god he has the sweetest little laugh. And so before you can say NO! he does it again.

You know who doesn't think it's funny? The lady sitting behind you with the "Jersey hair" held up by half a can of aqua net and now a hand full of rice.

Nope. She is not amused.

I'm being stalked.

By a girl.

I don't really know how to handle it.

Remember K*? And how desperate she was to hang out? And how she told all those drunken stories? Oh, and how she puked** on my front porch? 8 times.

Well she's been calling me. Incessantly. And I've never really had to deal with someone who doesn't know how to politely take a brush off, so I don't know how to handle this situation. But I need to take care of it somehow because it's a small town and I can't just keep dodging her. Because we will run into each other.

And then what do I say to her when she asks me why I never call her back? Do I say :
(a) you puked all over my floor, even after I offered to get you a garbage can which you declined
(b) I have a pretty busy life. I am not home much between work and the gym and hanging out at friend's houses and I can't bring you to my friend's houses because I'm worried you will puke somewhere without a second thought
(c) dude. you puked. on my floor. like it was ok.

People, I'm telling you, I can't get past the puke. My last post on it didn't even cover everything because there was just too much to process.(and I was drunk)
She's partially handicapped so I know she couldn't just get up and run to the bathroom. And it was somewhat my fault because I cooked steak not knowing she has a hard time swallowing food like that. But I just can't get over the fact that when I asked her if she wanted the garbage can she said no, like it would just be okay to keep hawking stuff up on my floor.

How would you feel if the first time I ever came to your house I puked on your floor, Even after it could have been avoided?

I just don't know what to do. I'm not really feeling any need to hang out with her but I don't know how to tell her I don't want to be her friend.

**you should probably read the previous posts before finishing this one.

Not much going on.

Nothing really to write about.

However, I do have peanut stories. Lots and lots of peanut stories. But because I don't want to turn my blog into "all peanut, all the time" I think I will start a new label, with stories of peanut. Embarrassing, endearing, funny, sad, I have a ton. So, new category probably about once a week, But I need some help naming it.

Jo suggested "tales from the mommy trenches", which is a good one but.... I can just see a woman(mommy) in our armed forces being over seas and googling something about "mommy, trenches" trying to find people in her situation and coming across my site. My site in which I complain about my non existent problems while people like her defend my freedom all the while missing out on their own children's lives. I know, I'm a big dork but I worry about stuff like that.

Others in the running so far:
"What to expect when you're done expecting". good rip off, no?
"Reasons my son won't make it to adulthood". ehh.
"The chronicles of mommia". seriously, with the rip offs today. hangs head in shame because so far I really like this one.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it (you better), is to leave me name ideas in my comments. C'mon people I know you can think of some good names. LURKERS! This is a perfect time to de-lurk. I need some ideas. You can do it anonymously, I swear won't try to track you down, just leave a comment, better yet a name idea.

Thank you.

My son has started to question why he can't go across the street to play with the neighborhood kids and my response of "you're not big enough to play across the street" is not cutting it anymore. He's a "big boy now" and soon he will be this many(4) and all the other kids are over there.

I don't have anything against him playing with the kids, he plays with them often. When they are on our side of the street. And therein lays the problem. Maybe I'm over protective, we don't live on a major road so there's not that much traffic, but there is some, and a lot of people speed down our street. And it's not like he will be right across the street because the street they play on actually t-bones at our house. Look I've made a handy little diagram for you.

That took mad mapping skillz right there.

Anyway. As you can see there is some distance from our house to the far end of that side street. I can't see him at all times so I don't let him go.

Which brings us to the next thing. Kristen is a 4 year old little girl that lives about 4 houses down from us (located on the map for your convenience) she has a brother who is 6/7 and sister 8/9. We do not encourage friendship with these kids because the Dad (pervert)was arrested for masturbating in his garage with the door open in front of the middle school kids(girls) at the school bus stop in front of his house. I know this is not the children's fault but a couple years from now when peanut is allowed to go play at other people's houses I don't want to have to go into detail about why he is not allowed at that perverts house. ya know?

Okay, get to the point already.
Kristen was out riding her bike when I took peanut out to play. She stopped at our house and wanted to play. None of the other kids were out so neither peanut or her had anyone else to play with so I decided fine, they can play (wonder how many more times I can write the word "play" in this paragraph).

My question is this: Who lets their 4 year old play for over 2 hours without checking on them? Especially outside? That's how long she was at our house. Not once did her mother come outside and yell for her to find out where she was. Now, i made them play outside just in case her mom did come looking for her, but she didn't and I know she didn't know where she was because Kristen had been out riding her bike and never went to ask permission to come over.

Was i irresponsible for not making her go home and tell her mom where she was? I think I probably should have but I don't think her mom really worries too much about where Kristen is. Last year I had to go down to their house and tell her mom that she was all the way down the street(about 1/4 mile) by her self. No thank you or anything, she just started screaming at the brother and sister for not watching her.

I don't even know where I am going with this post except to say that I don't understand how people can be so nonchalant about their children and their children's safety. It kind of makes me sick.

Alternatively titled: that one time he almost got me arrested when he didn't get his way fast enough.

*The scene: at the library with a then 2 year old peanut*

"stop pulling the books off of the shelf"
"stop it"
"I said Stop That!"
"Do you want a spanking?!"

"Help Me!"
"what?!"
"HELP ME"
"stopit"
"HELP ME, SOMEBODY PWEEEEASE HELP ME!"
Oh.My.God.

"Hi. My name is .... and I'm the librarian here. Do you need some help?" all said as she crouches down next to my son, giving me the evil eye.
He nods.
"Why don't you come take a walk with me, okay?"
Holy shit. She's gonna go call the cops on me. How am I gonna prove he's mine? He's 2! I don't have any kind of I.D. proving he's mine. Not his social security card or his Birth certificate. I don't carry those things with me. I'm gonna go to JAIL FOR KIDNAPPINGMYOWNDAMNKID! (hysterical laughter)

I overhear this conversation:
"Do you know that lady?"
"uh uh"
oooh you are so gonna get it...
"are you sure?"
"...."
"Do you know her name?"
"uh huh!"
"What is it?"
"Mama"
"That's your mama?"
"yup"
whew, maybe I'm not getting arrested after all
"Okay, that's good...."
"Mama says I could go play with the puzzles...."
"yes you can, let's go find...."
"If stop being a damn brat."
"....."
*sigh* he's like a freakin recording device.
"hmm, well lets go find her."

"I just had to talk to him, I'm sure you understand."
"Absolutely, it would have been wierd if no one had questioned it"
"have a nice day"

"Don't ever do that again. Do you understand me? You only do that if someone is trying to take you!"
"can I go play with the puzzles now?'
"As soon as I find the book I'm looking for."
"HELP ME. SOMEBODY! HELP ME"
snickering from all other library patrons.
*sigh*
"C'mon, I think we need to go find a book about the little boy who cried wolf......"

A meme from carrie.

In the list of books below:
- blue the ones you’ve read
- purple the ones that are your personal favorites
- italicize the ones you want to read
- red the ones you won’t touch with a ten-foot pole
- put a cross (+) in front of the ones on your book shelf
- and asterisk (*) the ones you’ve never heard of.

If you decide to join the fun and play along, let me know in the comments!

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)--
5. +The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. +The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. +The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L. M. Montgomery)
9. *Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. *A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. +Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. +Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. *A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. +Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. *Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. +Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban(Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. +The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J. D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. *The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. *Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. *Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. *Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. *The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. *The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. *I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. *The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. *The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. *The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. +Bible
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. *She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. *The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. *Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. *The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. +Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. *The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. *The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. *The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky) -
62. *The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. +Interview with the Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. *Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. *One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. *The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. *Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. *Shogun (James Clavell)-
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. *The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. *The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. *Not Wanted On the Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbecck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)--
84. *Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)--
86. *Watership Down (Richard Adams)--
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. *The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. *Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. *In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. *The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)--
94. *The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. *The Outsiders (S. E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. *A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. *The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)--

Yeah that's kind of embarrassing. I'm such a dork.

Have you ever punched yourself in the face?

I have. Matter of fact I did it yesterday.

Here's the story- of a lovely lady who was.... oops nope that's another story, and not even mine. My story goes like this:

I'm out side smoking (yeah, yeah) minding my own business when I hear bzzzzzzz. bzzzzzz. Okay where is it cause I don't particularly want to get stung. bzzzzzzzz. there it is, flying around behind me, very interested in the door handle for some reason. I move a couple of feet away with the thinking of- if I leave it alone it will leave me alone- (Mother's lie # 2,387,789. Live and let live does not work for me and bees). bzzzzzzz! WTF? no longer interested in the door, the bee has decided to terrorize me instead. Bzzzzzzzzz! okay, just walk away again, it's just a bee. Bzzzzzzzthwack! wha?!! Bzzzzthwack! Oh hell no. I am being dive bombed by a bee. It's on! you nasty little bastard. Bzzzzzthwack! *swat* hah! gotcha you..Bzzzzthwack! Damnit! *swat*(miss).

BzzzzzzTHWACK! right. in. my. face. It's no longer about a stupid little bee chasing me through the grass, (although I'm sure if you had been off to the side, watching me run around like a dumb ass would have probably been pretty funny) I'm done smoking but do I go inside like a smart person would and leave the damn bee alone? no. because now it's like a fight. But to the death- if you're the bee anyway. or that's what I thought.

Bzzzzz.... where? where? ah ha! I see you! shit right at my face again. Bzzzzzzz.... I don't think so. *SWAT*

Ow!!!! ow. son of a bitch. goddamnit.

Yup, that's when, as the bee was flying straight towards my face, I lost all sense of depth perception and punched myself right in the eye. hard enough to knock my glasses off.

Bee-1
Hope-0

I've got a can of bug spray today you nasty little bastard.

hope I don't spray myself in the eye.

I'm pretty good about fessing up if I make a mistake. Because I feel like I'm an adult and it's not like there's someone who's going to ground/punish me anymore. I answer to myself and to some extent J.

Except when I am at work because my boss has more control over my life than I like. For instance, that whole "your fired" and oh god, now I don't have a job, and what am I gonna do, we'll end up living in our van...... down by the river! You know.... if there was a river.... anywhere close.... because I won't actually have the gas money to drive to the nearest river.... so maybe I should have said down by the beach, but that kind of ruins it.

Anyway, when my boss is in a good mood, I'll totally argue with him and be all "I gave it to you! Yes, I did. Last week! I put that file.....oh. ha ha. right ....here.... on my hold pile." And he just laughs at me and walks away.

But when he is in a bad mood...... well... I lie and turn into my 4 year old son and get all... I didn't do it/ I didn't even talk to that customer/ I was in the bathroom/outside/Not Even Here! Prove it! And when he shows me/proves to me my mistake I get all flustered and.... oh my god the river and unwashed ripped clothes and burning newspaper in a steel garbage can for warmth and smelly child cause I have no where to wash him and oh god oh god ohgodI'mgonnahavetogobacktotherestaurant...............................
thjsadhivyakbgfja;vljosuvoyauvlkjlsjprj;avj oiuap(meltdown)

Then I realize he's looking at me like I'm retarded and I probably just proved him right because there's a good possibility that I just muttered all that stuff out loud, not in my head, and all...out loud. And then he laughs at me and walks away while I'm stuttering and wondering(out loud) if I just said all that stuff or not.

So, I need to work on that whole defense mechanism of automatically lying about the situation, but in the meantime... That whole "good lord, this girl's crazy and I feel sorry for her, and I can't fire her in the middle of a beakdown".... well that tactic has worked so far.

Just a short post to say happy friday. I actually had a lot of work to do today. I'm kinda still in shock.

I hope you all have a good weekend. I think I am going to do some spring cleaning :( and just hang around home.

Update: I noticed after I posted this that my title says happy "firday" but I decided to leave it alone because it made me laugh a little. Yes, I am easily amused.