My Peanut Gallery

But first, a side note.
You know what's awesome? awesome is when you go to a site to cry to your blog friends about a problem you are having, and in doing so totally forget that it's not just the regular commenters(your blog friends) that are reading that site but probably actually thousands of people. And then you check your stats and realize a bunch of people that read about your problem over there then came to your site............... and read all about your saggy ass tits that you posted about yesterday. yup. that's awesome.

Long story short- someone got our account information and spent almost $1000 out of our checking account. So they had to freeze our account. The bank is working with us and we are going to get our money back it's just a matter of how many days it will take. On a good note, the bank has agreed to pay any outstanding checks so they will not bounce. whew. Bills paid, thieves averted.

I've been thinking about this all day and have come to the conclusion that this is not some nasty Karma pay back on me. I'm nice to old people (except when they are driving in front of me) and children(well, mostly just my own) and animals (ermm, I don't go out of my way to run them over), Okay! so maybe I don't go out of my way to be nice, But! I also don't do shit like steal from people.

You know what that means? This Karma is not on me at all, it's gonna be on the stupid douchebag piece of shit motherfucker poor misguided soul that stole our money. So I have a little open letter to this person:

Dear cocksucker sorry person who obviously did not listen when your parents tried to raise you up right,

Karma/Fate whatever you want to call it, is a bitch. Have fun with that. And when you are installing whatever it was you bought from Dell don't be surprised if you get electrocuted. And that home surround sound you bought? well let me just say in advance- I'm sorry the wires shorted out and your house burned down while you were sleeping, as the carbon monoxide from the smoke slowly choked the life out of you. Too bad you won't be needing whatever it was you spent $300 on at walmart.

I hope you burn in the fiery pits of hell for all eternity Have a nice after life,
Me

Wow! In the whole wide blogosphere only Carrie and I did anything this weekend? hmmmm.

Let's see, I went to the art exhibit. It was meh.... but still a good time. Then we went to the Fair (why do they call it a fair? it should be renamed smorgasbord of deliciously bad for you food) it was very fun. And on Sunday we went shopping and i got another pair of Fabulass jeans, 1) because I regretted not getting a second pair last time & 2) because they were still on sale.

Happily, The Boy decided to be good everywhere we went. All weekend. I'm very suspicious. The Boy has an uncanny ability to lull me into a false sense of "whew! He's finally out of that whiny/ temper tantrum stage." Only to pull out a full blown case of it at the most inconvenient moment he can find (note to self: tell Library story soon). He will be from here on out referred to as The Boy any time he exhibits behavior I deem shady.

In other news:
Spring has finally arrived. It's 85 today. Beautiful. Makes me not want to be at work. At all.

As I was standing outside, in the 85 degrees (yeeaaahh, sorry for everyone up north, but I'm gonna pretty much be gloating about the weather from here on out) in my Fabulass pants, I realized that by this time next year I should be thin. Thin!!! I've lost 9lbs in 6 weeks. I know that doesn't sound like much but if I lose a lb a week for the next year..... I will be THIN!!! And I'm not just talking about the # on the scale because I have goals that I want to reach and have no idea what weight they will happen at.
Let's list them, K?

• Get rid of the back fat (I like to refer to this nasty fatty area as back boobies)
• Get rid of spare tire sitting above my gut (umm getting rid of the gut would be good too)
• have cute knees again, not just kneecaps surrounded by fat
• be able to cross my legs at the knee again, instead of just at my ankles
• jog a whole mile. in any amount of time as long as i make it the whole mile (I might need to look into quiting smoking for this one)

The other day a conversation I had with J gave me true total motivation to lose this weight, above and beyond the things I just listed.

He asked me what I wanted for my big reward once I get my weight where I want it.

I want a breast lift. Well, 2 breasts lifted actually. I want them lifted so high I can rest my chin on them. I want them to be up where they are supposed to be without using a winch and pulley a support bra that looks like my grandma should be wearing it.

Right now you're thinking- it can't be that bad, right?

*stop reading now if you have saggy boobs because once you get this visual, you will think about it all the time. seriously.*

When I lay on my back, my boobs go almost into my arm pits. And when I look down, I am reminded of......ahammerheadshark. there i said it. it's true... the way my chest goes flat as the boobs rush to the sides.....the way my nipples point away from each other toward each armpit..... just like the eyes on a hammer head shark..... not upfront where they're supposed to be, where all the normal nipples shark eyes are....but off to the side, banished, never to face forward again. okay I'm done. Just try it sometime and see if I'm not right though.

Anyway, I told him that's what I wanted and that if he paid for that.... well, in the contest of gift giving, it would totally top the truck I got him for Christmas. In my books anyway.

His response: "I know you want that done. How do you know I am not already saving for it?"

I am so holding him to that.

I left off Friday on a not so good note, but! I had a great weekend. And I will tell you all about it. Just...... not right now. maybe later. Because I'm feeling lazy. And I just might be one of the world's biggest procrastinators.

But feel free to report in and tell me what kind of fun stuff you did this weekend. Because, you know, then I might be shamed into stopping the laziness and actually writing a real post for you. Which is fun for all the girls and boys.

I'm feeling blah and unhappy. I don't know why, but I'm wondering if the new birth control my Dr. put me on has anything to do with it.

I woke up in a bad mood today. which is not unusual (at all) because I am the worst "morning person" ever, but it's usually gone by the time I get out of the shower. i just need about 15 minutes alone to really wake up. But this morning it didn't go away. And then I got pissy with J pretty much for no reason, so we both went to work not in the best mood.

And I'm tired. really.tired.

And BLAH BLAH BLAH. Get over it. GOD I hate coming here and writing this shit.
So lets change the subject.

I'm going to the gym when I get off work, that always makes me feel better. And then I am getting a pedicure tonight. woot! And then maybe poker if it's not that late.

Tomorrow we are going with my sister in law to some Native American art exhibit.
Meh. I'm not into that so much but it's something to do, plus I like spending time with her so it'll be cool.

I think I'm going shopping with my mother in law on sunday. (see a trend here? thank god for in-laws since my family sucks so bad.)

Anyway, I hope all of you are having a great day. Go out, do something fun this weekend.
I'll be expecting reports on monday :)

Reasons you don't leave "taking care of the yard" to your husband:

a) For almost 2 years he's been selling your sister's broke down ass car. to a friend. for parts. Bonus points if your son's swimming pool has been on top of the car for the last 6 months.





b) Your back yard looks like this in general, and the "wood pile" is located in a totally different part of the yard than the "Fire Pit".....





c) Which is located in the Front Damn Yard. (along with wood debris from previous front yard bonfires)



Should your yard start to look like this, we recommend any or all of the following until the situation has been rectified:

1. Brush up on your nagging skills, clearly there has not been enough of this.

2. Save yourself the aggravation and just go do it yourself

OR

3. Withhold sex until he does it. (we know that's how you finally got him to put that fence up, so don't even get all huffy.)


*We here at self-help pictorials hope this pamphlet was instructive and, well, helpful. Make sure you look for our other pamphlets including : "How to put a garbage bag back in the trash can" and "How to get him to take down the Christmas lights that are still up around the roof of your house".*

I have another post coming later but I just wanted to say thank you, I am feeling much better- I got The Dayquil! It seems to be doing it's job.

On another note, yesterday Joy said she would like me to write a book, and Jo said I could be the next Erma Bombeck. Thank you thank you thank you both. I Love Erma Bombeck but I have never thought that my writing was good. definately not good enough to be compared to her. You made my day.

And so- one of my favorite Erma Bombeck quotes:

"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it."

Thanks again.

ps. I know all you mo'fo's tried to unclaim my flu germs that I licked on ya yesterday, but thanks to whoever stopped by and took that nasty pestulance with them.

I'm sick.

That's right, I have the flu and I've come here to complain about it. lucky you.

My eyes feel like they're gonna fall out of the sockets and they won't stop watering.
My nose is all red and raw.
My whole body aches, and my head feels like it is gonna explode. any minute now.

And I don't have any dayquil, only night time stuff, so i had to take some generic form of allergy stuff even tho it's not allergies, and I'm just trying to get the river of snot to stop flowing out of my nose. I need the dayquil. For all that- achey feverish stuffy head so you can work -relief. Plus! it gets me high. I admit it. Good thing I don't get sick too often because it would be real embarrassing to stand up in my meeting, after J has baker acted me, and say -"Hi. My name is Hope, and I'm addicted to dayquil- that achy feverish stuffy head- so you can get high medicine." Then cower in fear as the crack/meth/heroine addicts throw rotten food at me, and later at night after lock down and lights out, take me out in the bathroom for the punk that I am.

Anyway, I don't feel good and my office is freezing. My building doesn't have heat! Because, you know, in Florida it never gets cold enough to have a need for heat. So I'm here in a sweater and a jacket and boots today because yesterday I wore some new peep toe high heels and it was so cold in here that my toes were numb.

*side note: On sunday I went shopping, and let me tell you I struck gold. 2 shirts, a cute jacket, a pair of beautiful shoes, and not 1 but 2 pairs of jeans that make my butt look Fabulass(patent pending.heh), all for $120. Everything was on sale. yay! And let me tell you it's hard to get a bigger girl's butt to look fabulass. Usually all a fat girl can count on is nice hair and cute shoes. Maybe I'll post pictures later. Of the shoes, perverts, not my butt.*

So because my office is freezing I've smoked about half a pack of cigarettes today mostly just so I could have an excuse to be outside, but they're killing my throat, but the warmth of the sun, but the BURNING burning of the throat, but the warm breeze defrosting me.... it a viscous circle.

My boss just opened the front and back doors so that the breeze coming through can warm up the office.

Did you catch that? The February breeze is warmer than my office. awsome.

Back to sick complaints.

I've heard the only way to get rid of a cold is to give it to someone else. Seems to be true considering my son is feling just dandy today thankyouverymuch.

*licks your face through the computer screen*

There. A gift. From me to you.

Now be gone, and take those nasty germs with ya. *mwah*

After some arguing, a trip to the bathroom, a drink, and some more arguing I finally get peanut into bed.

"mama, will you read me a bednight story?" he has a stack of 3 or 4 books next to him on the bed.
"Not tonight."
"pleeeeeaaaaaaaaase"
"No. It's late and you need to go to sleep. If you had went to bed when I told you to, we would have had time to read some books."
more whining
more whining
more whining
"Alright! Ok. But I'm gonna tell you a quick story. We can read the books tomorrow."
tells story of Goldilocks and 3 bears, badly because I forgot exactly how the story goes, which worked out in my favor because it cut story time in half.
"Ok it's time to go to sleep. Roll over and close your eyes."
"First I have to tell you a bednight story mama"
"*sigh* Be quick!"

"Once there was a little boy whose mommy would not read him a bednight story, So he told his dad on her."


I'm raising a little smartass.

But sometimes it's nice to have it.

Peanut threw up 5 minutes before it was time to leave for school this morning. Great. J had a Dr. appt. at 9:30, so it was I either call in or take peanut to work with me until 10:30.

I took him with me and it was ok, my boss had no problem with it and even spent some time playing with him.

Just when I get to the point of wanting to quit out of sheer boredom, something happens to remind me of why this is actually a good job to have.

Big family stuf on my mind but I don't really want to deal with it. Instead, lets talk about a picture I put on here yesterday. The more I looked at it the more it made me laugh. and question.



Why are they all in the dr.'s office with him? And looking totally pissed at him? Is he passsing out VD to men and women and persons of unknown sexual orientation? Is that Thelma's smart ass back there reading up on VD so that she knows what clues to spot when her "next case" pops up? What about miss pink and purple hair rock chick? She's lookin pissed. I have a feeling it's because during a night of drunken partying she hooked up with him- totally so not her type- and this is what she gets for a few minutes of sloppy drunk sex?

So tell me, what are your thoughts on this?

I hate my family. They make me physically ill. That's not an exageration, I'm sitting here shaking and feeling a huge urge to vomit.

This time the story is Jerry Springer worthy and I don't even feel like typing it all out. 1 situation, 4 different stories. And everyone wants me to take sides.

If God came to me and said I will grant you 1 wish only, I would wish that I had a family like
the Waltons (no too corny) Look I can't even think of an example so lets just use this word picture:

My family makes the Osbourne's look like the fucken Waltons.

Until I moved out on my own, I had a reoccurring dream that would leave me so sad when I woke up. In it I was a member of The Griswald's Christmas, yes they had a senile aunt and uncle and weird cousins, but that is a feel good movie for ya. And I would dream whole scenes that are not in that movie where I was part of that family, and then I would wake up. And remember exactly how my family really is.

So there it is, my one wish would be to have a family exactly like the Griswald's.

I think I am going to have to take a stand and just cut them all out of my life. That makes me so sad but They are toxic and our whole family is one big unhealthy relationship.

If it weren't for J's family, we would move so. far. away. No one would ever find us.

I found some pictures for your enjoyment. No not because I hate VD, well I mean I would hate to have that (everybody clap), I just don't care one way or the other. I really don't. Now I know some of you don't believe that but I have always felt like this- why buy $80 flowers that cost $15 last week? Why buy anything for me today that you wouldn't have bought me last week.

My husband knows how I feel about this so he got me a bear and a single rose. very nice and I do appreciate it. My point is, on any other day of the year would he have bought me a bear? A rose- yes, a bear- no.

I'm just saying I would much rather be surprised with a gift of something he knows I really want, say on some random day in the middle of July. Not because It's VD and he feels like he has to get me something.

And you don't even know how many times I have heard my ungrateful friends complain about their gifts. "Can you believe it? He didn't even get me anything, we just went to dinner."
Are you serious? On any other day of the year you wouldn't complain because your love took you out to dinner. Besides, give the guy some credit, Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass it is to get reservations on VD? And if you don't have reservations, forget it. Expect a 2-3 hr wait.

That's too much hassle, J and I are in agreement, we don't go out for VD, Usually we stay home and make a nice dinner- like steak and crab legs mmmmmmmm.

So anyway, on to the pictures. Nothing against Valentines Day, they just made me laugh.







hmmmm, yes, I always knew there was something about him. Swing away Batman, swing away.



Hope you all (that's right- Hi you all, 30 people who have been stopping by my site but never say hi.) anyway hope everyone gets their desire today, whether it's just a quite night at home, or flowers and diamonds at the most exclusive place in town. Have a great Valentines Day.

I woke up this morning in a GREAT mood. I jumped out of bed happy to face the day, after all it's PAY DAY, oh wonderful Friday with the weekend just hours away and.......and......

What? Shit.

It's only Tuesday.

I want to go back to bed now.

I'm bored. Lucky you, that means you get 2 posts today.

Guess what I have done at work today- not much. It's just not busy right now. I set up 1 job (15 minutes), invoiced 1 job (3 minutes), and made 3 copies (30 seconds), bullshitted with both of my bosses for about an hour, wrote a blog post, read about 25 blogs, ate breakfast, ate 2 snacks, ate lunch, you see where this is going.

Not even the telemarketers are calling me today. heh. Maybe I've finally scared them all off. I like to fuck with them when I'm bored. Here's a sample call.

"Hi! this is steve from ..... is (my boss) in?"
"nope"
"is there someone else there that makes financial decisions?"
"yep"
".... uh, can I talk to them?"
"yeah"
"......"
"hello? steve?"
"ummm..."
"well did you want to talk to me or not?"
"....can you make financial decisions for the company?"
"no, not really"
"oh, well um"
"Look steve this is how it goes, I take messages for my boss, I pretty much know if he's gonna want to return your phone call based on what you can tell me right now about why you're calling."
"Oh ok then, I'm calling because my company offers (blah blah blah) for small businesses. Upon reviewing your credit I have been authorized to extend a credit line of (whatever amount) to your business."
"steve? how'd you get my credit info? you don't even know my name. Do you? Do I KNOW you steve? If I saw you right now would I recognise you?!"
" ahhh n n no....."
"Barry?! Is that you?! That restraining order included calling and harassing me at work. Do I need to call the cops again Barry?!"
"Wha? No my name is steve and I'm just calling to..."
"Ok Steve I'm not that dumb, I KNOW who this is, this shit didn't work yesterday when you were calling yourself David and it's not working today. I swear to god if you call me here 1MORE TIME I will have your ass arrested. Do you hear me Barry?"

*click*

and then I laugh my ass off.

But not even they are bugging me today. Never thought I'd miss the telemarketers.
heh. Wouldn't it be funny if I started cold calling them?

Another conversation I've had today:

"there's something wrong with the server. All the computers need to be shut down."
"no"
"haha, you need to turn off your computer."
"no"
"......"
"um yes"
"no"

deterioration to kindergarten level

"why?"
"I'm busy"
"ha! no. you're. not."
"yes. I. am."
"doing what?"
"reading a blog"
"...."
"yeah, I'm going to tell (my boss)"
"Fine! Just Fine! I'll turn the damn thing off!"

Hope a telemarketer calls soon.............

Not much happened this weekend. Did some bad karaoke on Friday night, went out to dinner on Saturday night, spent most of yesterday hangin out at my sister in law's, oh, and we had to have 2 separate discussions with peanut about bathroom boundaries.

When he is going to the bathroom no one is allowed in there because he "needs some pwivacy please" but when you are in the bathroom, forget it.

Well he walked in on me at a very inopportune moment on Friday. Then there were questions about why I was bleeding and why I have to put that "stick thing" up my butt. And then when I explained that it didn't go there, he wanted to know why it went in my "pwivate parts", then he wanted to know if I needed him to go get me a band aid. I was not expecting these kinds of questions yet and I think he was more confused after my explanation, I know I was.

Then yesterday he walked in on J right after he had woken up. heh.

That conversation went something like this:
"WOW!"
"could you please get out."
"How did your pee pee get so big daddy?"
"Don't worry when you grow up yours will get bigger to."
"Why's it stickin up like that?"
"*sigh* Hope? could you help me out here?"

heh. not really I was too busy laughing.

3 year old me and my grandma, in the livingroom, while my mom goes to get my grandma something to drink.

"Wanna watch cartoons with me grandma?"

"not right now honey, I'm gonna visit with your mommy for awhile."

"ok"

grandma starts looking around the room at nic naks and whatnots.

"that's a pretty little wooden dragon"

"you can't touch that grandma, that's where mommy keeps maryjane stashed."

*blink,blink* "wha?? what.........."

"she sure must be real little, like thumbelina, right grandma?"

"BARBARA JEAN!!!!!!!!! I want to talk to you RIGHT NOW"

"why are you yelling? is mommy in trouble grandma?"


*heh*

"why? why does your room look like this?"

"because you forgot to clean it mama."

"you're not gonna like it if I have to clean it."

"yes I will, then I could see my floor again."

I need some ideas people.

There has been an absence of practical jokes in my life lately and it's time for a new one. I just don't know what or who I can/want to prank.

I know I've said it before, but I'm big on the jokes. I don't even care if they are pulled on me. I love them and there have been many.

It all started when I was 4. I remember it like it was yesterday................
It was in the wee hours of the morning after a spectacular display of the adults drinking all night at a holloween party my mom and stepdad had thrown (I was 4 and still up, they were so drunk they didn't care). Their friend Brian was a pretty big guy and had passed out on our couch. I remember sitting there trying to tickle him and laughing because he wouldn't wake up, when my step dad asked what I was doing.

"He's so big! He looks like the incredible hulk, cept he's not green."

I remember saying it and then my step dad threw back his head and started laughing hysterically.

"well.......... how about we make him green then?"
"really? how"

To make a long story short, my step dad used to make a lot of models- car, plane, etc.- we used all of his green model paint to paint any and all of Brian's exposed skin. My step dad let me do the face. It was AWESOME!!!!

Brian did not think it was so awesome when he woke up the next day. I'm thinking that was because the paint wouldn't come off without turpentine.

Anyway that was the start of my lifelong pursuit of practical jokes. Since then there has been hands in buckets of warm water at campouts and shaving cream in the palms while you tickle the face with a feather, there has been objects mysteriously moved every time you turn around with stories of ghosts in the attic, and garden snakes, frogs or bugs in beds, seats or shoes.

As I got older I started in on the people I worked with. When I worked in the kitchen at a nursing home, there was the time we glued the pots to the shelf, and when we saran wrapped all the food carts shut, when we hid all the knives from the a.m. cook, and that time we tied fishing line through the holes in all the pot handles so that when the am cook pull one down they ALL came tumbling.

And then I went to work in a restaurant and oh god were the pickins bountiful.

Let's see, there was the time we sent her on a hunt for cans of dehydrated water, and the next day for bags of evaporated water, the time we sent him to look for the glass magnet for some broken glass, and then convinced him he had to empty all of the water out of the back of the coffee pot(it had it own water line- never emptied. but he did it for 17 minutes before he figured it out.) there was the time STUPID girl blew up those ballons and then asked us why they wouldn't float and we told her they must be defective maybe she should try again- and she did, 5 times, and when we told him to ask the dishwasher for the Fork spreader so he could fix all of the silverware that inevitably got mangled in the dish machine.

But ever since this fiasco, there hasn't been any jokes. It's been long enough and I'm ready for a new one.

So I need some ideas.

Anyone?

Today I am doing my least favorite thing at work. I am calling people about overdue invoices.

Do you know how much more fun this would be if I could say whatever I wanted to these people? I would love to call any one of them and just be like:

Where's my money at bitches? Don't make me come down there and pimp slap yo ass.

If a bill collector called my house and said that to me (yes they do have to call me sometimes *ahem*) I would laugh my ass off and then probably pay my bill. over the phone. with another credit card. anyway.........

My brother Tom has this poster, I'm not really sure why I love it so much. Makes me laugh everytime.

The set up: Tae Kwon Do class.

Sabomnim*: "Okay everyone, today we are practicing our punches. When I call you up, I want you to do all five of your punches on the blue punch matt, until I put up the Red punch matt. That means it's time to stop." "Is everyone listening?"

class: "yes sir!"

Sabomnim: "When I put up the red that means what?"

class: "Stop!"

Sabomnim: "And when I put up the blue, what does that mean?"

peanut jumps straight up and puts his hand in the air

Sabomnim: "yes peanut?'

peanut: "Blue and red means the cops are gonna give you a ticket!"

laughter from the parents

Sabomnim: "Well, I guess it could mean that....."

peanut: "it really does!"

awesome.

*sabomnim is his title, like sensai

Alternatively titled: How I ate my way through the weekend.

We went to D &Jc's house for fondue on saturday and I've done fondue at a restaurant before, using a coq auvin(sp?) broth and it was good, but I have never done it using oil. I was somewhat skeptical about frying my pieces of steak, but oh the heart clogging goodnes that turned out to be.

We started with a cheese fondue with apples, bread, carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower. Then we moved onto the oil part with steak, chicken, & shrimp, with a nice batter for the veggies- onions, and mushrooms. I'm getting hungry just typing about it.

But then, oh ho then, we had chocolate fondue. 2 different pots. One with chocolate and crumbled cookies and one with dark chocolate and toffee pieces. There were strawberries, kiwi, pineapple, bananas, pound cake and 2 kinds of cheesecake.

Add 4 glasses of wine and you have yourself smorgasborg.

Sunday, ofcourse, was the SuperBowl which I didn't really care about. My interest went something like this:

end of first quarter: What's the score? What were our football pool numbers? shit.

end of second quarter: What's the score? shit.

end of third quarter: well, you get the picture.

But I did spend most of the game eating. Lets see, meatballs, little wieners heh, chicken wings, nachos, spinach dip, quesadillas, *groan* I'm getting hungry again.

About the halftime show- is it just me or, when you look at prince are you ever reminded of Jasmine Guy? Or vice versa?

It's a nasty rainy day here in my little part of Florida, but not as nasty as these people's.

A big storm went across Florida last night/early this morning, causing tornados to form. 20,000 without power, 100's without any home at all, and worse yet at least 14 dead, with still more missing.

So, I'm reading the article(linked through"these people's") and at the very bottom of it I read- A spokesperson has stated that Disney World was not afffected by the storm.

*blink*
re-reads
*blinks again*

Really? Well how nice for them. Because you know, it's was so important for everyone to know That hey you might not have a house, or someone you love might be dead, but you can still come hang out with Mickey.

This is why I hate watching/listening/reading the news. They always throw some banal un-newsworthy bullshit in there.

This morning on my way to work I heard a news report about a 14 year old pregnant girl who is missing. She had previously been a victim of human trafficking and authorities are worried she fell back into their hands.

On the very next breath the reporter started talking about some bullshit going on at the fairgrounds- y'all should come on out and have yourselves a real good time.

That's not news dickhead. That's thinly veiled advertisement for the Florida state fairgrounds and has no business being in the same block of news with a little girl who might have been kidnapped and put back into human trafficking!

Fucken news.

Okay here's the deallema.

I tend to get a little obsessive when I get serious about something. I know this about myself and sometimes I need to just put the breaks on, and give myself a reality check.

I mentioned before that I wanted to lose weight. So 3 weeks ago I joined a gym and signed up for peertrainer which is kind of like a free online support group. On peertrainer I have a daily log to keep track of everything I eat. Every six weeks they have what they call a spotlight where, if you're chosen, they put you on a team and everybody on the sight can see your journal, not just you and your teammates. I don't know how, but I was one of the 16 people they chose.

Awsome, I figured. The knowledge that potentially thousands of people would be watching our group everyday to see how we were doing was the perfect thing to keep me focused. Who wants to fail with that many people looking on.

So I joined a gym and got down to business. My other team members are very supportive and have a lot of good advise, and I'm glad I joined.

However.........enter stage left.......obsessive tendencies.

I lost 5 lbs in 3 weeks. One part of my brain knows this is a good, acceptable amount. However a larger part of my brain is not satisfied with how slowly the weight is coming off. I knew it wouldn't be easy but I thought that because I need to lose so much the first 15 or 20lbs would come off fairly quickly.

It didn't, so I started eating less.

And then I found the calorie wiki that peertrainer offers, where I can go type in a food and an amount and it tells me how many calories are in it.

And then I became obsessed with it.

In the last two days I have eaten less than 1100 calories per day. I haven't added today's up yet but I'm betting it's right around there. When I'm hungry I catch myself thinking are you really hungry? cause that pear's 100 calories that you are gonna have to work off, or would a big glass of water hold you over till dinner?
I know that's overboard.

and then there was this:
Last Tuesday I put my food together to take to work and when I looked in my bag I thought wow that's alot of food for someone that's supposed to be dieting. And seriously considered putting something back.

The contents: 1 yogurt & pear(breakfast)
a sandwich- 2oz of roastbeef on wheat & an apple (lunch)
12 baby carrots (snack)

Yeah, that's not alot of food. I know that's not alot of food, but my brain wasn't trying to hear that.

Before everyone starts worrying though, please click on my peertrainer link (top right). You can see for yourself that I do eat enough- it's just no junk food so it's a small amount of calories.

And then there's the gym.
Also obsessed with going to the gym, especially the eliptical machine. I ate 1100 calories yesterday and then worked out until I had burned 560. Even though I almost threw up, and just about passed out.

Why? Because once I start, the # of burned calories showing on the screen is never enough.

So, No I don't think I have an eating disorder, but knowing myself, I see the potential.

I decided to take a break tonight- no gym. I'm gonna do some housework and ignore my brain screaming at me that if I don't workout I'm never gonna lose the weight.

A fat anorexic. How ridiculous is that.

Hi all.

I just wanted to check in, I don't have alot of time today because *gasp* I actually have work to do.....here.....where I.....work, occasionally. Having something to do all day is kinda throwing my work day off to be honest, you know since most days I have to stretch 2 hrs of work into 8.

Any way, not much going on. except I think I might be sliding down the path to an eating disorder.....or two. I don't have time to tell you about it right now (pesky boss man wanting me to do work like stuff) but I'll be back later to fill you in.

And before all 4 of you (just kidding I know it's really 5) start leaving me scared/crazy/pornographic comments- don't worry, I'll be back to explain what I meant.