My Peanut Gallery

A conversation had earlier today between inner crazy girl and inner voice of reason:

cg: 3 months. in 3 months I'll be 30.

vor: so?

cg: well 30 is like.....30.

vor: uh huh

cg: well you know, there are things you can get away with in your 20's that you just should not do in your 30's because then you have to be all grown up and responsible and shit.

vor: uuuuhh huh. like what?

cg: ummm

vor: well?

cg: like go out clubbing every night, or drink till you pass out, getting drunk enough to flash people and make out with other girls (alledgedly), calling in sick to go to the beach, dying your hair purple or black and red, going out on work nights, running away and getting married in vegas...

vor: yeah, allright stop there. please just stop.
vor: when's the last time you went to a club?

cg: uhhh ummm

vor: before you met J, so at least 8 years ago. and you stopped going to clubs because you don't even like them. you only went there when you were doing drugs.

vor: and when was the last time you got so drunk you passed out?

cg: heh. new years eve 1999/2000

vor: heh. yeah that was fun, remember when the ball was getting ready to drop and......okay that's not the point. You can still get drunk after 30. Helloooo, when's the last time you've seen any woman in your family over 30 that hasn't been drunk?

cg: hmm, point taken

vor: when have you ever called in to go to the beach? you don't even like the beach

cg: yeah.......well....

vor: oh and dumb ass? you're already married

vor: ok so, recap: no clubs in 8 years, no pass out/piss yourself drunk in almost 7 years, you've never called in to go to the beach. ever. you pretty much hate parties unless they are small gatherings (which by the way is not a party- it's a small group of people hanging out). and going out on work nights? whatever, you know your ass is asleep by 10pm most nights.

vor: you know what? you should just get over it because seriously you've been 30 for like 5 years now.

cg: *gasp* fuck off, I have not!

vor: okay so tell me, in 3 months will you be doing anything different than you are now?

cg: uhh, no

vor: well then think of it not as 30 but just as 3 months older than you are right now.

cg: whooo, that does sound better.

vor: yep. btw you only have 3 months left if you're really thinking about dying your hair those colors

cg: bitch

vor: heh.

3 weeks ago:

Roy and I are at the car dealership and we see a car with all this silver edging stuff (yeah, I'm not really sure what it's called) around the doors and wheel wells.

roy: Must be a teenager. No one puts that shit on their cars anymore.

me: *laughter* yeah I used to work with a kid that had that on his car. He thought it helped to make his car look "tricked out"
me: I didn't know people were still doing that.

roy: they're not. maybe he bought it off the kid you used to work with.

me: nah, wrong kind of car. maybe 10 years ago they hung out in some crazy silver gilded car club together.
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today:

For some reason I remembered that conversation today and got a weird knots/butterflies/crampy feeling in my stomach.

"maybe 10 years ago they hung out in some crazy gilded car club together."

All of a sudden I felt OLD. There I was calmly talking about 10 years ago like it was yesterday. It's not. It's like 1/3 of my life. I'm already almost old enough for 10 years to be 1/3 of my life.

I thought I would be cool with 30.

I think maybe it's slowly sneaking up on me.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

I hold the title, now all I need is a tiara and sash. Who wants to get me one? Come on, people. Anyone? *sigh* fine then.

What was the gift that beat out any and all competition this year ever? What did I have behind curtain #3?

Well Bob, IT'S A BRAAAND NEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW (oops, pre-loved actually) TRUCK!!!!!!
From the makers of Ford, it's an F150 crew cab Lariat Triton 4x4. Luxuriously equipped with leather seats, 6 CD player, sun roof, running boards, bed cover, and 15 gazillion million gadgets!

Ha! I am confident I will be holding the title for a looooong time coming. Big thanks to our friend Roy who helped me pull off THE BEST PRESENT EVER.

So, here's how it went down.

A couple of weeks ago I went to the dealership and bought the truck. I got a very good deal and they gave me a good trade in on my car. And they were very nice and let me keep my car until today so that J would not be suspicious.

And they got me a nice big red bow to put on top of the truck.
Nice people.

On christmas eve Roy dropped off the truck around 11 (J was oblivious to the world due to the sleeping pill I made him take) and then all I had to do was wait for morning.

I'm not real good at waiting.

Fell asleep around 12 am and woke up at 4:30.

Got up to use the bathroom and in the process woke J up. We were both too excited to go back to sleep so we sought other forms of entertainment. What?! Tv, I'm talking about tv, people.

Finally around 6 I couldn't stand it anymore and called him outside to see the truck. I thought he was gonna cry like a little bitch, but. he. didn't. He did tear up a little tho so that was good. He just kept saying "no way" and "oh my god". it was good.

Then he asked me "how did you do this"
"ummm....hello, what's missing from the driveway?"
"Holy shit, holy fucken shit... You traded your car in?!"

Let me explain his reaction. It took me 2 months to convince him that I had to have that car.

Had. To. Have. It.

When I got that car I loved it so much that if I had been born with manly parts, I probably would have had sex with it.... some how.... probably involving the hole for the gas nozzle.

But that was 3 years ago and the infatuation had begun to fade, so when I saw that "have to have it" look in his eye whenever he talked about getting a truck, a plan started to form.

A plan that, thanks to Roy, was pulled off to perfection.

when I get home I'll post some pictures.

Hope all of you had a great christmas too.

Hey everyone. I got a kick ass Christmas present for you. Click on the link below and make sure your volume is on.

How to prank a telemarketer

Merry Christmas, one and all.

We got this emailed to us the other day. just like to share it with you. Heh.

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Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
******************************************
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa

**********************************************
Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa

*****************************************
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet dreams,
Santa

There are so many rumors flying around right now about "annie's" death that we don't really know what to think. There is strong suspicion from the family that the step mom- we'll call her"Heather"- did something to annie. I don't know if she did and i don't know what to think. For "Bubba's" (our friend-the dad) sake I can only hope that the medical examiner finds the cause of death to be some freak sort of "natural" thing.

I don't want to write about the rumors until/unless they are proven, so I'll just put out the actual facts that we do know so far.

Yesterday the police questioned Bubba and Heather seperately at the hospital, again later at the hospital, later at her mother's house, and then last night around 9 pm had them come down to the station for more questioning.

Bubba was released fairly quickly but they kept Heather a while longer. Again I don't know what this means but the next fact does not put her in a good place in our minds-

The Police and Department of Children and Families took Bubba to Heather's mom's house to pick up their son "junior". He was told by the Police and DCF that Heather is not allowed to be around junior. At all.

It makes us very suspicious when DCF goes against a birth mother like that. It makes us wonder what the police know and what they have told DCF.

I just wish the medical examiner would hurry up with the findings. Either for or against, that way we can all stop speculating and just know what's really going on.

Anybody have any kind of knowledge on something like this that you could share with me? I f you'de rather not leave a comment about it you could email me at p.nutgallery@hotmail.com.
Thanks.

I'm sitting here crying and I don't even know where to start. Maybe I should come back later, when I have more information, but I feel the need to write about it now.

Our friend's 4 year old daughter died this morning.

I don't know how/why yet but my husband is at the hospital with our friends and he calls me whenever new information is given. The police are doing an investigation, which J says is routine in the death of a child, but no one is saying what happened yet. That means: a) they really don't know yet or b) they are not telling us because they are still investigating or c) something's fishy with the step mother's story. I truely hope C is not the case.

My heart is hurting. I don't even want to imagine what our friends are feeling right now.
What a huge part of your life to have ripped away from you.

I had a miscarraige before getting pregnant with peanut and I thought it was one of the hardest things to ever have to go through. But to be honest it wasn't. I was sad for awhile but comforted by the fact that my doctor told me "don't worry, there's nothing to stop you from getting pregnant again".

How much harder is it when it happens after the child is here? After you see her for the very first time and are literally speechless and overcome by the rush of love that you thought you already had for her, only to realize that nothing you've ever felt previously can compare.

After you have held her and smelled her sweet baby smell, and rocked and sang and bathed.

How much harder when you realize that there are so many things you will never do again for her.
No more boo boo's to kiss. no more comforting for scary dreams. No more teaching her OR learning from her. No more sleepy good morning snuggles. No more story time. No more birthday parties. No more Her.

How much harder for the things they will never have gotten to do at all.

never letting go of the bike for her first ride with no training wheels.
never sending her off on her first day of kindergarten.
no first best friend fights to moderate.
no first sleep overs.
no first boyfriend.
Never seeing her graduate from high school and then college.
Never walking her down the aisle at her wedding.

Never watching her hold her own child for the very first time.

So many things gone in that one moment out of time. If only you could snatch back that moment and do something, anything differently.
It would bring back not just her life, but yours too.

Isn't it always surprising when you're all done shopping and you get all your gifts together so you can wrap them, and you take a look at the pile and think- "that's it? all that shopping/money and that's all I have?"

it's kind of depressing.

also, peanut has a pile of ten presents. he's only 3 so most of them are pretty cheap- some movies, a couple dinosaurs, etc. and I have to keep reminding myself that 10 gifts are enough. It's not like we're the only ones getting him stuff. By the time it's over he will have gotten anywhere around 30-35 gifts. The thing that sucks is we bought 2 nicer gifts- a dvd/video combo for his room and this big dinosaur ......thing, I don't even know what to call it, he calls it the dinosaur house. He really wants it, keeps asking for it. Guess which one is gonna be from Santa.

Christmas isn't even here yet and I'm sick of santa getting credit for the good gifts!

Oh well, what can you do.

And I have to make cookies for santa to eat!? The mother better bring some damn cookies with that ham.

On a good note I found this site, they play christmas music all day. And there's 68 different channels to choose from, so basically any kind of xmas music you want, you can hear it here. I'm currently listening to Bing Crosby, before him Frank Sinatra, and before that Elvis.
Yay for "Christmas Classics".

The other day while peanut was watching tv.............

*first commercial*
"mom canI have that for christmas?"
"maybe"

*second commercial*
"mom can I have that for christmas?"
"we'll see"

*third commercial*
"mom can I have that for christmas?"
"peanut you shouldn't be so greedy. Christmas is not about Santa and presents, it's about Jesus' birthday."
"It's Jesus' Birthday!?"
"yes"
"good! when you buy me that(new commercial) you should get one for Jesus too."

Outsmarted by a 3 & 1/2 year old.

"I bought a spiral cut ham."
"for what?"
"For Christmas dinner! Haven't you been planning what we are going to have for dinner yet?"
"oh,well, you know. I thought maybe we could just do sandwiches."
"sandwiches."
"uh huh, yeah. It'll be great. No cooking, no cleaning. No fuss. You know easy."
"I bought a ham."
"So did I. Well, sliced ham. From the deli."
"cold cuts."
"yeah! it'll be great."
"Hope Ann we are not having cold cuts for Christmas dinner." *screeeech* uh uh hold up there mama, respect my authoritay. I will go all Cartman up on your ass.
"Why not?"
"Because it's Christmas Dinner. What about a nice big meal. What about ham.."
"told ya, I got it covered"
"...and the stuffing..."
"bread mom, that's all stuffing is anyway. basically."
"....and potatoes..."
"yup, in the form of Doritos."
"*sigh* What about Pies."
"meh. you know I don't like pie any way."
"Cookies??!!"
"hell yeah! ham sandwiches, Doritos, and frosted sugar cookies. that's perfect."
"No. It's not. I'm bringing stuff for dinner. I'll cook it since you don't want to."
"I don't even like baked ham."
"Yes you do."
"no really...."
"Okay, Bye. I'll call you some time later in the week."
"Mom, wait a min....."
*click*
"Shit."

Roger Dodger-That's a negative on the Christmas sandwiches. Do you copy? I repeat, that. is. a. negative. on the Christmas sandwiches. Over & out.

Fine! Whatevah!

Go ahead, make your big nasty ham dinner. Waste your day in a hot kitchen.

I don't care.
Cause I'm gonna be sittin in a recliner, watching "Christmas Story", while eating a ham sandwich, some Doritos, and an ass load of cookies. And then I'll take a nap. You know, since I'm still gonna be in my pajamas. So there! (yes, yes I am sticking my tongue out right now )

ps. Don't forget to do the dishes.

Scrubs is my #1 favorite show, and today I found this funny little video to pass along to you.

Let me present: Charlie Brown Christmas- Performed by the cast of Scrubs.

Enjoy!

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Okay, either I am a big Dee Dee Dee or blogger is having problems uploading videos. I just spent over an hour trying to get this video up and it's not working, so please, click on the link below, don't let all that time be spent for nothing. Plus- it's pretty good.

here's the link

UPDATE: HA! Looks like I'm not a dumbass after all, Blogger was just screwing up.
however, I don't have speakers on my work computer so if you could leave me a comment and let me know that this video actually does work, I would appreciate it.
Thank you in advance.

So.

Excitement and drama at the peanut house tonight.

We went across the street to our neighbor's house to watch Talladega Nights, and let me interject with a quick side note that if you haven't seen this movie- watch it. now.

Anyway B (their daughter) came over to babysit peanut while we watched the movie. When we got home she left real quick. Then we figured out why.

I was putting peanut to bed and J yelled for me to come in our bathroom. I didn't even make it into the bedroom before I smelled it. The bathroom and bedroom reeked of pot. J freaked and called G (her mom) to come over. Then he called and had B and her dad T come over too.

J was so pissed and I get that, he was thinking of all the things that could have happened to peanut. I'm more of a laid back person. I was kinda like Meh, nothing happened, he's fine and she definitely isn't going to be watching him again, so why worry about what COULD have happened. That's just a good way to stress yourself out. But i know J, he's a worrier, that's just how he is. And I know that she hurt his feelings more than mine because he's known her since she was 2 (she's 14 now) and he treats her like a little sister. She totally broke his trust in her.

J talked with her parents and they decided the cops needed to be called. Luckily for her, The Lieutenant on duty is someone J has known for 11/12 years (it's a small town) so he came himself instead of sending another officer.

Now seriously, I know my child was endangered, but something is seriously wrong with how my head works because really I thought the whole thing was kinda funny. Not the pot smoking but all of the rookie mistakes she made.

She left the ashes in the bathroom sink. I don't smoke in my house. All ya gotta do is rinse it out.

There is a can of Glade air spray ON THE BACK OF THE TOILET. umm, hello? do you smell that? The purpose of the spray is to get rid of odors- dumb ass.

She didn't open the bathroom window or turn on the fan. C'MON! Everyone knows if you're trying to smoke in secret you turn on the fan, open the windows and stand in the tub so you can blow the smoke out the window.

Okay back to the story.

We're on the front porch waiting for the cop to come and J says "where's the roach?" Now I'm thinking " jeez what a dumb question. she flushed it". Nope. say hello to rookie mistake #4. You're never gonna believe this one.

She pulled up a corner of the carpet where it meets the tile and stuck it under there! WTF??!! AND, that's why the smell was still so strong- IT WASN'T ALL THE WAY OUT WHEN SHE PUT IT THERE!

It was funny up to this point. Then, not so much. #1- it could have smoldered under there for hours and then burnt our house down around us while we slept, and #2 you fucked up my carpet like that?

Now she swears this was her first time smoking, and citing all the rookie mistakes she made I was inclined to believe her. Until we got what was left of the joint. Not much. I find it hard to believe that someone can smoke a whole joint on her first go around and still be able to function as good as she was.

Lt. L finally gets there and the first thing he says to her is "If this happened at my house you would already be in jail for child endangerment". Woah, apparently I am still naive about some stuff because I didn't even realize we could press charges for that. I figured they would just arrest her or not for the pot. We decided not to press charges because he was fine and, well, refer to earlier part of post about little sister.

Long story short, ok shorter since it's already long- She didn't get arrested BUT he is coming back in a month and if she has gotten into ANY trouble and if she hasn't pulled her grades up, then he will pull the roach out of holding(?), put it into evidence and arrest her for it.

I really hope this is her wake up call and she gets her act together.

Craziness. It's 3 am and i can't sleep.

I'm thinking about rolling a joint. heh.

I read this over at comments from the peanut gallery and wanted to pass it on, as it's good advice for holiday shoppers.

Gift Card Scheme...
A friend of mine passed on this information to me and
I'd like to share it with you. This is a scheme that clever crooks are using to
swindle people during the holidays. Perhaps knowledge of this will help you when
you're doing your holiday shopping.

Crooks have found a way to rob you of your gift card balance. If you buy gift
cards from a display rack that has various store cards, you may become a victim
of theft.

Crooks are now jotting down the card numbers in the store, waiting a few
days, and then calling to see how much of a balance THEY have on the card. Once
they find the card is "activated," they then go online and start shopping.

You may want to purchase your card from a customer service person, where they
do not have the gift cards viewable to the public. Please share this with all
your family and friends.

And I just can't hide it, no no no no.....

Finally!

I'm finally starting to get excited about Christmas. I found the PERFECT gift for my husband, and it made me so happy that it put me in the holiday spirit.

I love buying gifts for people, but only if it is something they will love. I hate buying something just to have a gift to give. I will totally stress over finding the right gift for each person every year. I can't help it tho, I just love seeing their face and hearing things like "I can't believe you remembered that I wanted this".

And this year I found a gift so perfect that I don't even care if anyone gets me anything. My whole christmas experience is revolving on seeing my husbands face christmas morning.

Now that I'm feeling the holiday goodness, other gift ideas are coming easily so I should be able to finish my shopping this weekend.

Happy Holidays everyone.

ps. I'm looking for xmas templates, so don't be surprised if the site looks different next time you stop by.

Maybe i should have titled this "What else is wrong with this picture?". You know, beside the fact that "Assica's" face no longer bears any resemblance to her old Ashley self. That is definately more than just a nose job. But whatever, it's her face and she's lookin pretty cute. Not so much like she used to, but pretty cute.

No, no there is something hidden in plain site in this picture, and it took a couple of minutes for me to put my finger on it. And then I saw it.

Is that a vest??!!

There! Right There! Under the ugly hat and above the, the......rolled up jeans? capri's? cut offs?

I have a picture of me wearing this same vest at a highschool football game. In 1994. I'm serious, I'll see if I can find it when I get home, then I will put it up here.

This leaves me wondering if we are finally getting past the resurgence of ugly 80's fashions. No more bell hems? please? And if we are that must mean we are moving forward to the 90's. What ever happened to new fashions? Or is this what the new thing is gonna be, an 80's & 90's mix n match combo? That would be........just, just..... *sigh* there are no words people.

I can see it now....... A Blossom style hat, a turtle neck shirt, a vest, and "Skids" overalls on top of black leggings with jelly shoes.

Sounds great doesn't it?

*sigh*
14 days.

Only 13 days left to shop. And that's only if you're willing to brave the stores on Christmas eve. If not-
Only 12 more days.
Actually today is already 1/2 over, having been wasted sitting at work when I could be out shopping. So, in reality-
Only 11 & 1/2 more days.

Okay, I'll stop now.

I have to go check my bank account and see how much financial juggling is going to be needed for the next 2 weeks.

Only 11 & 1/2 more days people.

Every so often I come across a "mommy blogging" site, which is where regular people(read: not trained professionals) have started blogs about raising children and giving advice.

That's cool, I mean it's an on the job training kind of deal anyway, right? I don't think I could do it tho, I wouldn't be comfortable telling people how to handle their kids in different situations.

However.........

I would feel perfectly fine giving advice, gleaned from personal experience, about what NOT to do in certain situations.

For example, lets say that you have bought 2 nice new black leather recliners for your living room. They're comfy, but best of all, they have a massage feature, all you have to do is plug them in and pick up the remote.

Now lets say that one day your 1 & 1/2 year old goes over and pulls the cord out of the back of the chair. But only out of the chair, leaving the other end plugged into the wall socket.

Should your child then proceed to stick the -still plugged in- cord into his mouth, make sure he is okay, and then do not do any of the following:

• Do not look at all that fine little hair sticking up on his head, and start laughing.
• Do not look at poor peanut's shocked speechless face and laugh harder.
• Do not watch him throw the cord and say "NO, NO, BAD" and laugh until you cry and your stomach is hurting.
• Do not give into the quick small urge to stick the cord on your tongue, you know, just to see what it feels like. I mean it obviously doesn't feel good, just look at your child still yelling "NO, NO, BAD"
• Do not call all of your friends & family and crack up while you tell them the story. Unless they have the same sick sense of humor that you do. *note to self- get new friends/family/everyone. they just don't get you.*

So, in this instance I urge you to take my advice. Unless you're like me-if so, 2 years later you can laugh your ass off again while writing about it in your blog.

Act 1, Scene 1.

I'm upstairs in the hallway of a scary old house with my mother.
As it happens in most of my bad dreams i have started this one seemingly in the middle of the story, but my brain has instantly provided me with the back story.

*back story*
Some one is killing people, (duh) and I'm in the scary old house that I grew up in(not really), with my mother (who looks nothing like her real life self) who is standing there like she is in a trance, and not answering me when I call out to her.

My mother is standing in the hallway hunched over with her scraggley long white hair obscuring her face from my view. She doesn't seem to be moving but every time I blink, she is closer to me (eerily like "the grudge").

I blink again, but when I try to open my eyes, I realize my mother is LICKING my eyelid. And her face looks all crazy and her eyes are like blind milky white. which somehow leads me to the realization that SHE is the one who has been killing people I know.

I start screaming STOP IT, STOP IT.

End of Scene 1, Act 1.

This was the end of the dream because I really did start screaming stop it out loud, waking myself and J up.

I know, I know. A therapist would probably have a field day with this dream showcasing my mother like that, but her being in it is not what freaked me out about it.

This dream really freaked me the fuck out. The feel of the dream was so scarey that when I woke myself up, my heart was racing and I was sweating.

I was so freaked out I couldn't go back to sleep. I'm laying there thinking " i should go check on peanut" which is what I always do if I wake up in the middle of the night. Except I couldn't make myself get out of bed because then the THING HIDING UNDER MY BED would grab me as soon as I put my foot on the floor.

At this point I really just want J to roll over and spoon with me but since I already woke him up screaming, I decided it would be just as good to curl up behind him.

Ahhh, okay, this is good. There's nothing under the bed. Go back to sleep. Think of happy things like kittens, and playing candy land, and baking cookies. Count backwards from 100. 99. 98.97.96..........57, 56.......4*snork*3,42.......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Act1, Scene 2.

*WAKE UP!!!!!!! WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!. YOU TURNED YOUR BACK!! THE THING UNDER THE BED IS COMING!!!! IT. WILL. GET. YOU!!!!!

Once again I wake up with my heart racing.

It took me over an hour to go back to sleep.

*whimper* I want my mommy.
ummmm, or not.

Nothing to report so I thought I would just tell you a couple of wierd things.

First, I know I've mentioned before about how I never remember my dreams (unless they are bad). Well i might not remember them but I must be dreaming about something because every morning I wake up with a song playing on repeat in my head. Let me give you a play list for the last three days:

• Monday- the theme music from mission impossible. I'd really like to know what I was dreaming about for that one.
• Tuesday- Lips of an angel by Hinder
• Today- Movin on up- the theme song from the Jeffersons. (wtf ?)

So, since this is happening EVERY day, I think I will make a spot for it on my side bar (today's song is..), with updates daily.

Second, someone found my site yesterday by googling "my pee pee is leaky". I'm not kidding. Try it, I'm like the third site.

Btw, whoever you are, if your pee pee is leaky, you should probably call your doctor. I'm just sayin.

And last wierd thing of the day, I like peanut butter and dill pickles. Together. With bread. As a sandwich.

I'm thinking about making an appointment to see my doctor. I think I might need some prozac or something. I have some social anxiety issues, I've had them for some time, but that is not today's reason for the call.

My PMS is getting progressively worse. The mood swings are crazy. They make me feel crazy.

Today started out fine. I came to work, hung up some Christmas decorations, and mailed out the holiday cards. I'm not even sure when i started going psycho. I was waiting for J to come eat lunch with me- see that's a nice thing for him to do, when I noticed myself getting annoyed because it was taking him so long. It really didn't take him that long, but by the time he got here I felt like punching someone.

Seriously, I feel like smashing something. Like I won't feel any better until I hear that lovely sound of.....smashing....of ANYTHING...SMASHING.

See, right there when I was typing that- I had a mental picture of smashing my car into something. That's crazy, right? I'm not kidding just thinking the word SMASH SMASH SMASH, is keeping me calm right now.

My boss's little 10lb dog is yapping at me right now. I actually thought about kicking it. Who does that? who kicks a teeny tiny little dog?

And all of a sudden I'm soooo tired. Like I didn't sleep at all last night, even tho I fell asleep pretty early. And I don't have any work to keep me busy, and now that's pissing me off too.

I need to call the doctor today because tomorrow I'll feel fine. Because that's how crazy works, tomorrow i will think I was just over reacting today, so I won't call the doctor, and then the next day or the day after I'll be crazy again and wishing I had called today.

Okay, I'm going to call them now.

*small add-on*
after posting this, I realized that I didn't clarify that i wanted to smash my car- but not myself. It sounded bad and I just wanted everyone to know that I do not want to smash myself.......just everything else.

Okay, as promised, here is a picture of the picture we had made for J for his graduation. It's about 24" x 36" and looks great up on our wall. J loves it. The helmet actually has our last name on it which makes it even more special( i think) but i photo shopped it out. cause, you know, it's never a good idea to post your last name and all that jazz.

Anyway, I couldn't get a picture clear enough to show the poem, but you get the general idea.

Booooorrrrrrrrrring.

Yes, I know. But really nothing terribly exciting happened. Well, not exciting for you maybe, but I was pretty excited Friday night.

I just keep coming across good deals. First my cleaning girl and now this:

My friend J's friend D is a licenced cosmotologist, and if you gather 4 or more friends, she will COME TO YOUR HOUSE and do a mani & pedi combo for the low low price of $30. Awsome.
Sit around with your friends, have a couple of drinks and get pampered in the comfort of your own home. Again, Awsome.

Saturday we went to J's company Christmas party. Yawn. There goes 2 1/2 hours of my life I'll never get back. Seriously, it was around the same state of fun as watching paint dry. Needless to say we were home by 8:30. Who gets home from a party at 8"30?

Sunday was J's graduation. YAY. YAY. YAY. His family got him this great gift, where we stole his gear one day while he was at work and took peanut to get his pictures taken at sears in the gear. Then they took the picture and faded out the edges and put it next to this poem about "my daddy- my hero". It came out great. And then I forgot to take a picture to put up here for all of you to see. So maybe when I get home from work I will do that.

Well, that was my weekend, hope *you all* had a good one.


*you all*- I'd just like to take a minute to say hello to my lurkers. I know you're out there. I'm not trying to scare you away, I lurk too, I just wanted to say hi.

First, a preface for the story of "Beware the next blog button":

For the last three days I have had a stomach virus, and I've been spending alot of time in the bathroom. I know you don't really want to know that, but it will come into play later.

and, My office computer is a circa 1990's model. The old dinosaur is sloooow. Even with highspeed internet it takes about a minute to load a page, and sometimes it even takes a minute or 2 to log off the internet after hitting the x button.

Now, for your laugh of the day, I give you the calamity that happened to me yesterday.

Right around 3:45, my boss came in my office. I'm bored so I'm on the computer hitting "next blog" to see if I come across anything interesting.

He starts talking, "tomorrow..blah, blah.....fax....blah, blah.... need new copies.....blah, blah.....call.....blah,blah.....set up meeting.....blah, blah, blah. I'm kinda listening, and kinda still occasionally hitting next blog.

Okay, I need to look like I'm at least listening to him, so I am facing forward kinda tilted towards him, but i can still see the screen out of the corner of my eye.

Simultaneously (that's my big word for today), his eyes get huge and out of the corner of my eye I see what the next blog button has brought me.

me:"OH MY GOD"

him: "*snort with laughter* what the hell are you looking at?"

*on screen- PORN, bad raunchy nasty dirty porn, multiple partners and sex toy porn, 3 men filling 1 woman porn!

me:" OH MY GOD"

him:* still gasping with laughter*

me:" OH MY GOD" *X X X, come on ,come on x out! nothing happens*

me:"ACK, it won't go away!" *X X X some more, nothing, control-alt-delete-, nothing! The fucken screen is froze up*

I can not get off the site and then I get a pop up window:
"this computer is monitored for pornographic material. all sites will be saved on your hard drive. down load (some kind of program) now to erase this from your hard drive."

me:" Oh god.......sorry never shit can't get stop oh god fired sorry don't"
uncontrollable babbling as i try to X out of the down load program- except i can't x out because everytime i do a new window pops up saying I must down load NOW. And it won't let me click on anything else, so I have a small pop up window on top of a full screen of porn frozen on my computer.

him: hahahahahahahahahahahah. You should see how red your ears are.
when embarrassed, I do not blush, my ears turn the color of tomatoes.

X X X, please please please shut down, control-alt-delete? nothing.

him: "Here comes a customer"

me: "OH GOD!!! oh god, oh god, oh god" you can clearly see my computer screen when you come in.
I manage to at least turn off the monitor. see, quick thinking in a crisis. *snort* yeah right.

The customer leaves and my computer finally, FINALLY, decides to X out of everything. My boss walks away laughing at me, and I realize as if this whole situation wasn't bad enough, it's actually worse.

During the commotion I got so flustered that I forgot to keep my cheeks clenched (which I have been doing now for three days), And I SHIT myself. FUCK, I JUST SHIT MYSELF.

Okay, not really, not like full on holy crap there's shit running down my leg. but enough to leave a nasty skid mark in my undies.

EWWW.

Thank god by that time it was 3:55. I leave at 4. Except for yesterday, when I left 5 minutes early.

So, the lesson here is- never, ever hit the next blog button at work, and don't leave home with out your pepto.